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37 Weeks, 3 Days: Writers Gamble, Right? – Uneasy Days and Most Important Day Tomorrow – More NFL in Spanish, Get Used to It
37 Weeks, 3 Days. I’ve been having really weird days since last week… Nothing exciting. Nothing really that odd. I just don’t feel like myself and then suddenly the day disappears. My schedule got all fucky for working late at night and waking up late in the morning. I rarely realize what day it is…
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32 Weeks, 5 Days: It Got Worse, But I am Better – Dwelling on the Past and Moving On – Slow Down September, Plus NFL and more Work!
32 Weeks, 5 Days. Welp. That was short-lived. And painful. It still sucks to wake up. It’s the worst part of the day. I just yell at my cats and they don’t come. So I just stay there feeling like shit. Today… I woke up to a message from my ex. My tiny ex from…
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31 Weeks, 2 Days: “The Achiever” according to Enneagram – NFL Fantasy Has Begun – Still Alive… I Guess
31 Weeks, 2 Days. I just scheduled two payments on my student loans from North Dakota. Yes. My student loans come from North Dakota for some shitty reason. I still owe $5,500+ and I’m paying $105 per month. Which… really hurts. My other student loans are bothering me as well. I ignore it. I don’t…
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30 Weeks, 1 Day: Food Makes Me Happy – Any Minor Failure Makes Me Wanna Die – Gaming with the Nephew
30 Weeks, 1 Day. There’s a chair sitting next to a table that belonged to my grandma and the table was supposedly my grandpa’s who I barely met. On that table, I have some of my mom’s ashes inside and urn that was my grandma’s surrounded by several of her turtles with two big paintings…
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29 Weeks, 2 Days: Great Days / Bad Days – Work, Errands, Broke, Book, Work – Business Cards Photography
29 Weeks, 2 Days. Honestly, I lost count. Which seems like progress. I have to look at my previous blog to remember how long ago it was. Weird that it’s also the count of how old is my baby niece. I saw her yesterday. My niece and nephew are cool. I shall try to be…
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28 Weeks, 3 Days: The Daily Battle – Waking Up Sucks – Typing Away in a Bar
28 Weeks, 3 Days. I haven’t been having the best of days. Waking up is the worst part of my day. I just feel heavy with no motivation to even get out of bed. And I still fight through it. Make some coffee. Drink a lot of coffee. Work out a bit. Have breakfast. Shower.…
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27 Weeks, 3 Days: Drinking El Segundo – Jamming with Hudson – Driving Donatella Far
27 Weeks, 3 Days. More than half a year. It still feels so weird. It still feels like I’m going to see her on some holiday break. It still makes me cry when I realize I’m not going too. I didn’t do much yesterday. I’m not doing much today. I don’t like it when I…
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26 Weeks, 0 Days: Food Photography for FEAST (and more) – Trade Business – Keeping Busy is Best
26 Weeks, 0 Days. I’ve been feeling better. Even my therapist says it sounded like I’ve been better. Therapy is good. Even though it’s only once every two weeks for just a short period of time and it still feels like I’m just paying someone to hear my awesome stories (hah, yeah right). It helps…
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24 Weeks, 3 Days: It’s Mom’s Birthday – June Sucked, July Shouldn’t – Memorial Ashes Tattoo
24 Weeks, 3 Days. It’s mom’s birthday today. She would be 62. My brother posted a sad post. It made me cry immediately. I hate it how easy it is to make me cry. And it’s not like a small cry. It’s uncontrollable sobbing. It happens randomly when I think of her. It happens many…
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23 Weeks, 2 Days: Slow June and Crippling Depression – Afterlife Continues – Shit Post
23 Weeks, 2 Days. I woke up to the news that a classmate died of cancer. I was never really friends with her. But I was friends with her husband when I was in middle school. I haven’t really seen the dude in many years, but I do have him on Facebook, so I’ve kept…
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22 Weeks, 4 Days: Tamara in Tijuana – Weird Dreams and Broken Mirror – My Cover Shot I Like, More to Come
22 Weeks, 4 Days. My mom showed up in my dreams. It wasn’t specifically just her. She was barely a part of it from the little I remember. And she was with my dad… There were two girls in that dream. One was Asian American. The other one was white and not my type but…
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22 Weeks, 1 Day: Procrastinating and Unpaid Work – Going to Therapy – Rosarito Foodie Fest Cuz I’m an “Influencer”
22 Weeks, 1 Day. I originally was going to write at 21 weeks, 4 days. Procrastination and the willingness to do absolutely nothing got the best of me. I do nothing but play video games and… then play more video games. Ok. I did something yesterday. And something the day before. So at least something.…
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21 Weeks, 1 Day: Nelson Bar Guitar – Past Thinking, Sleeping, Drinking, and Starcraft II – Life Got Dull
21 Weeks, 1 Day. I haven’t written anything since I got back. I haven’t done much since I got back… I thought I was coming back to a mountain of work. I was worried about my car registration. Not only was it lost and suspended, but it also needed a renewal. I crossed the border…
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19 Weeks, 4 Days: Post Vacation Depression – CDMX In Tons Of Pictures Through IMGUR – DMV Tomorrow, Tons of Work Next
19 Weeks, 4 Days. I’m depressed to be back. It’s not Tijuana. It’s life. I guess that’s what I was trying to avoid. Because… Tijuana… Tijuana is still great. My last night in CDMX was a lazy one because it was a Monday. Not much to do on Mondays I guess. Much less when your…
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19 Weeks, 2 Days: Loving CDMX And Coyoacan Where I Was Born – Hanging Out With Rockstars (Not Literally) – Vacation is Over, Sad
19 Weeks, 2 Days. Last day of vacation. CDMX has been a wild and entertaining ride. I do not want to go back to border crossing life reality. I’ve been so distracted that thinking about mom all the time has diminished. I almost lost count again… it’s weird. Life still feels weird. This city has…
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18 Weeks, 3 Days: Murdered Nostalgia in Queretarock – Cervecería Hercules is a BEAST (and More Beer Back Home) – Rinconcito Chill and Astrophoto
18 Weeks, 3 Days. Mom would have loved this place. I’m in Tecozautla, Hidalgo, in the ranch of my friend’s parents. The ranch is called Rinconcito, and for now, it’s just a lovely open-court house and not much of a ranch. Their property stretches quite a bit though, and you can see the future of…
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17 Weeks, 2 Days: Bowling Solo, Achieving High Score – Wrap Up Work, Vacation Time Soon – GoT and Such
17 Weeks, 2 Days. Whenever someone mentions my mom… I get to the verge of tears and hold back. Typing that I basically had the same reaction. I know. I know. It’s healthy to cry. But trust me, I’ve done it enough. And I rather not do it in public. I cry almost on every…
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15 Weeks, 3 Days: Nightmare Week Starts Soon – Great Weekend, Tons of Work – Moving On is Healthy
15 Weeks, 3 Days. For the first time since January 19th, I sort of forgot the count. It’s not like I count on purpose… just every day I woke up thinking how long it has been. And this week, it sort of passed me by. I knew Saturday was week 15, though I had my…
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14 Weeks, 2 Days: Post 500! – Fantasy Girls (Palm Giraffe) – So Much Work for May – Querétaro and Mexico City Travel Plans (Unclear!)
14 Weeks, 2 Days. Waking up still sucks. I don’t think I’ve had a decent night sleep all of 2019. I usually wake up at 3 or 4 a.m., drink some water, then I try to go back to bed. And. I never do. I just lay there. My brain constantly attacking me with depressive…
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13 Weeks, 3 Days: Waking Up Sucks – Painted on a Mural – Tryin’ To Keep Myself Busy (Post #499)
13 Weeks, 3 Days. I hate waking up. Waking up is the worst part of my day. Mostly because it means I’m some sort of sober. Mostly because I’ve been waking up at around 3 a.m. having nightmare negative thoughts and being unable to sleep again. Those thoughts are still pretty much the same. I…
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13 Weeks: Website Gets a New Look To Make Pictures Look Prettier – CDMX/Querétaro Itinerary Going Well – Did a Business (or Two) and Eating at Cine Tonalá
13 Weeks exactly. Mom left this world 13 Saturdays ago. I think about her from the moment I wake up. I think about her through the rest of the day. Always holding back some tears… I miss you so fucking much mom… It’s still not real. It still feels like I’m going to see you…
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12 Weeks, 3 Days: Mexico City/Querétaro Vacation Next Month – Lovely Suicidal Thoughts – Financial Woes
12 Weeks, 3 Days. I just bought a ticket to Mexico City from May 22nd to June 4th. Before and after buying it, I was stressing out over financial concerns. I still fucking bought it. $150 was the total. I need tacos before I continue. I need to write for profit instead of writing to…
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11 Weeks, 4 Days: Juanster in Tijuana, Tequila, Sexo y no Marihuana – FB Memories – LiLo Because Why Not
Juanster is asleep on the couch after two nights of Tijuana Adventures. It’s been many moons since I ventured down to Zona Norte and the brothels. I spent a lot of money that I really shouldn’t be spending. Ok. It wasn’t that much. But it was still money that disappeared for falling in love and…
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11 Weeks, 2 Days: Busy Afterlife – Great Show at Mous Tache (PLEASURES) – Brunch of Photo Shoot (and Many More to Come)
11 weeks, 2 days have gone by. It still feels like if I went out to college or just not living near my mom like I did for a long time. Then after 3 or 4 months of not seeing her. I would get home. That comfort of home. That’s gone forever. And that’s why…
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The End of 2018 (A Pretty Good Year After All): Getting Over Depression and BG – First Hot Shower in Years – 22 and 1/2 Total Cover Pics to End the Year
I woke up very depressed… The end of the year is not what it was supposed to be. And I want it to be 2020 already. Please. This last week felt more like a month. Or even longer. I had one photo gig. A fun one. I did it all mopey and depressed. I was…
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