13 Weeks, 3 Days.
I hate waking up. Waking up is the worst part of my day.
Mostly because it means I’m some sort of sober.
Mostly because I’ve been waking up at around 3 a.m. having nightmare negative thoughts and being unable to sleep again.
Those thoughts are still pretty much the same. I still can’t believe she’s gone. It still doesn’t make sense. I still don’t get it. It’s not like she had cancer. It’s not like we had a warning. It’s not like I was ready for this.
I thought about it a lot before… Because I knew it was going to happen someday.
Just not now (or… 13 weeks and 3 days ago).
Not like how it happened.
I wanted to buy her a house. And for her to grow greyer and wrinkler there. To have a home.
She was young. Not even that grey. Not dried up like a prune.
But she never wanted to be old.
That’s how I wake up.
Then I start thinking other stupid shit. Like Gator by the Bay worries me a bit. I’m used to having more gear and having Andy’s MacBook Pro. And I start worrying about it. And other work.
Just to realize my week is not that busy…
Tomorrow I cross to be a delivery boy. Tomorrow I cross to take care of one, expected easy, photo shoot.
Besides that… I’ve been working on sales. I had a meeting canceled yesterday, but I have a meeting soon, and another tomorrow. And I’ve been pitching the idea to several other businesses. I shall finalize that this week.
I finished 6 out of 8 little snippets of writing I had to do. The longer article has proven to be harder.
So… I’m trying to keep myself busy.
And work more.
And the MacBook Air helps. I took out yesterday and worked from not home. I actually finished writing some stuff!!!
I took half a Ritalin. That probably helped. I haven’t taken any in months.
I took my camera with me as well. I ended up shooting almost nothing. Just the pink sky. Used the MacBook to do the edit real quick. Send it to the owner of the brewery.
In an awesome sidenote…
I was honored in the mural of the brewery.
There’s a new mural at that place… A lot of the team is honored with a painting of them on the city skyline. And I’m there. Standing tall. With my crooked stance. And my shitty goatee.
Feels awesome to be included. I was not expecting it all.
That’s two murals I am painted on.
Reddit is getting boring.
I wanted to go bowling yesterday.
I ended up drinking. Hopefully, I go bowling today. I also gotta swing by a beer garden to take pics and drink and perhaps talk business.
I have a meeting soon. I haven’t had breakfast. Just coffee. He said to meet him at his restaurant. And from there to a Chinese place. I don’t really eat Chinese food in Tijuana. But you can’t really say no to a business meeting if he said let’s go for Chinese.
Let’s see how it goes.
This is post 499.
After saying I wasn’t going to blog anymore.
Here I am like an idiot.
Oh. And yesterday. I finally gave my federal student loans a call. AND PHEW! I qualify to keep paying $0.
Oh. And I keep changing the page little by little. Because that feels like work. I still need a way better way to way my way.
To display my photos…
And the variety of such.
Wedding photos. Cover photos. Celebrity photos. Food photos. Long exposures. News photos. Sports photos. Concert photos. Light painting photos. Studio photos.
They are all a mess. I can do them all.
And oh yeah.
I gotta pick up the studio lights and backdrops from Los Angeles… at some point.
And renew my plates. And get my SENTRI.
I rather just die. But oh well. Let’s keep lifing.