13 Weeks exactly.
Mom left this world 13 Saturdays ago.
I think about her from the moment I wake up. I think about her through the rest of the day. Always holding back some tears…
I miss you so fucking much mom…
It’s still not real. It still feels like I’m going to see you soon. It still feels like you went on a vacation or work somewhere else and we’ll see each other again. It’s still crazy to think it won’t happen.
Life definitely feels so much different…
I still feel like a silly cholo wearing a gold necklace around my neck. It still makes me feel better though it’s stupid silly. A shofar, a cross, a rose. Meaning mom?
I’m getting a big tattoo chest piece soon.
That Saturday I was at work around this time. And she was in the hospital. It wasn’t until at around 6 pm that she left me. Looking at me. Saying she just wanted to go to sleep. The final sleep…
I’ve been working almost every Saturday of the year. Not today.
It was actually a slow work week. Until yesterday.
I woke up feeling better. Despite having weird dreams.
I dreamt that I cried for my mom. I already do that on the regular. Why dream about it?
But feeling better. Very lonely. But way better.
Finally did some work. Had two successful meetings. I have to wrap-up that sale before May starts because May is going to be hella busy and then I’m going to Mexico City and Querétaro for almost two weeks.
My ex also called me with a strange favor. Not that ex. Not that one either. Yep. That one. The 6’0 tall, dark, beautiful ex that models. She works near my apartment though she hates downtown. The favor consisted on driving her to her car far from where I live. It was okay. She needed a favor and I pulled through. And I like driving.
It’s the first time I go back to central Mexico without my parents existing there.
That is the ultimate fantasy… That they never moved from my childhood home. That they are still there happy in a huge house. Waiting for us and their grandkids every Christmas and summer.
Going to Mexico is going well!
Much better than expected.
Only by posting that I am going people have offered their homes, extra room, couches, to drink and eat, and do merry!
It shall be a great time. I’m excited and not as nervous as when I first booked it. Should spend close to 0 money on lodging and will be spending all on eating and drinking.
The itinerary is still uncertain except the days I fly.
May 22nd I am out. June 4th I shall be back in.
May 22nd is a Wednesday and I arrived in the late afternoon to Mexico City. I will either spend a night there or get a bus directly to Querétaro. That first weekend (May 24th) will be in Querétaro. And I will obviously cry a bunch there. I miss my childhood. I miss my mom so much.
After the weekend, either Sunday or Monday, I want to visit my best friend’s dad’s ranch. It is in the middle of nowhere and they have all sorts of trees growing. It sounds relaxing. Be in the middle of nothing for a couple of nights. Take astrophotos. Should be 1/4 waning crescent moon. Hoping for great stars.
I’ll be visiting him as well. And drinking some of his famed Dr. Che’s kombucha.
Going home is going to be so weird…
By the 29th I shall be back in Mexico City. Then I have a weekend and a couple of extra days to explore the city.
Perhaps go to a different place as well.
I’m obviously taking my camera.
My plan is obviously to drink a lot of craft beer and eat a lot of tasty food and take pictures of it all.
Maybe find gigs as a photographer down there. And if so, I could be flying back and forth more often.
I need more gigs as a photographer. I’m great at it. There’s money there.
Speaking of which… I altered the whole website to look cleaner and tried to reorganize it a bit.
It’s now plain white and it reads better. The photographs also look nicer.
But it is not exactly like I want it.
The Word Vomit tab (I should change that to “blog”) has the posts organized how I want pictures to be organized.
That’s how I want the picture folders to look. Like the blog. And I want the blog to look more of a standard blog.
I will try to fix all that later.
For now… it looks like what it looks like.
The photograph tab has three different folders. Clicking on them gives you a PLETHORA of pictures forever scrolling down. I want them to look scattered like in the blog. And I want the blog to look like a plethora of posts forever scrolling down.
And with better organization.
But you get what you get for now.
Because the blog looks smoother and shows the pictures nicer this way… I have to UPLOAD nice pictures…
And yesterday I took nice pictures of food.
I need a full folder of just food pictures. That’s what Tijuana Adventure is for I guess…
There is still much to fix.
It’s looking better. I think.
I did a business!
I tried a third but didn’t work. So since I was already there with my camera… why not order food, make it look pretty, take pictures, and feast.
I already have my favorites there.
The short rib taquitos and…
The Santa Tlali, maracuya and mezcal drink with a touch of habanero bitters.
That drink is the main reason to visit. I love maracuya. I like mezcal. It makes a very refreshing drink very easy to finish and have several.
Esquite. Or elote en vasito.
I liked it. Flavorful. A touch of pork to give it sustenance. Cotija was tasty. A good (and overpriced) esquite.
I tried uploading another picture of the tacos… my blog ran out of space. Gotta delete very old pictures to make space.
And I also got to organize a new folder for just wedding pictures and make a tab for that.
And other tabs with different pictures.
There. I deleted a lot of celebrity pictures from years ago to make space for this picture…
These taquitos are also on the pricey side. But in these sort of places, you pay for the atmosphere, the space, and blah blah. Though it was daytime and it was empty… all the tables were “reserved,” and two pochas spoke Spanglish next to me.
“We like your shoes, digo nos gustan tus tennis,” is what they said.
NO ONE IN MY LIFE has told me that they like my shoes. I get shitty Panams for $400+ pesos and I have received compliments on my shoes numerous times. WEIRD!
Oh yeah. It’s 4/20
I posted this forever ago:
“wow.. did i have a crazy 4/20 or what?!!? i have a good story to tell .. and p.s. john cusack is a fucking douche”
I don’t remember what happened, but I do remember John Cusack is a fucking douche though.
And I shall go back to the original idea/plan I have for 2019. Finally to finish what this blog was meant to be when I first started it. A book of celebrity encounters I had. DUMB. But that was the main idea.
Looking back… holy shit did I post a lot of celebrity encounters.
Going back and deleting many of those pics and selecting the few that would make for a grand coffee table. Editing the posts. And keeping the text I like.
That’s the original plan.
I was supposed to have it done halfway through the year.
But 2019 happened.
It’s going better. I mean… it can only go better after your mom dies. There’s nothing but better. And at the same time, there’s nothing. Everything feels empty.
I don’t work this Saturday. I am booked for the next one. The week is still slow with work except for the work I make my own. I still have those two articles that I need to finish. I don’t feel like writing them though. Inspiration will come in the form of procrastination and the need to actually finish them. I will get them done.
I downloaded Cuphead. That game is AMAZING!
Still playing Tetris 99. But Cuphead is fun.
I want the new Smash for Smash Thursdays with my buddies. Make that… buddy. I only have one buddy that comes to play. And that Thursday we played Cuphead until almost 2 a.m.