43 Weeks, 3 Days.
I was depressed yesterday. For the usual reasons. And because I suffer from writer’s block in stuff that actually pays me (not this shit).
I have half a dozen articles that I started and go nowhere. I want to keep it simple. Start with a simple article, send it, get it published, make little money and move forward. But no. The article just sits there with the title, the intro, the idea, and then it just says “do the fucking work, you idiot.”
I don’t do it.
The only thing I did yesterday for money was to send an invoice over to the UK for $100 for pictures of Simon Monjack’s parents that they bought from me and will be used for a documentary for the Smithsonian Channel on the life of Brittany Murphy.
I make money in a very weird way…
Besides that… I just sat in the living room. Feeling sorry for myself. For not wanting to do anything. For not being able to write a simple piece about how the water is gone in TJ.
Microdosing. Have you heard of that?
That’s taking tiny hits of LSD on the daily to improve your moral and clear your thoughts.
So… why not?!
I haven’t done acid in over three years or more. I actually don’t remember the last time I did… it must have been at All My Friends #5 in Rosarito where they gave me a very weak acid, then I got some molly, then I got more acid and more molly. They were all weak, so I didn’t feel much… until near the end of the night.
My friend Drew was visiting from Minneapolis back then. We went to the fest together. He hooked up with a girl that turned out to be a twin. We came back with both of them that night. Drew hooked up. I didn’t like the twin (yeah, twins, but one was pretty and the other wasn’t… funny how that works).
The twin did want to hook up with me (though she told me she hooked up with several guys that night). I didn’t. She was drunk. I was still trying to figure out if the acid or molly hit me.
And we didn’t hook up.
She cuddled me in bed while her sister hooked up with my friend and in less than 5 minutes… she fell asleep and started snoring.
I wasn’t sleepy. So I went to the living room, smoked a bit… AND WHOOSH!!!
It all hit me really hard at dawn.
I think that was the last time I did acid…
I didn’t do it at all the year I was dating Karla.
I didn’t do it at all when my mom was here.
So that’s at least three years of actually not doing that.
Friends have offered it to me for free.
Friend “K” said I have extra ones if you want them… I refused. I was sort of scared of doing it again.
Friend “R” said the same thing, I have a few extra ones and I owe you if you want them… I refused again.
Then friend “D” had some and she had to cross the border… Afraid of getting caught, she left them at my house. A bit over three hits. I hid them on my shelf to forget about it and give them to someone that wants them or back to my friend “D” when she comes back.
If you don’t know how it is, they are usually tiny pieces of cardboard that had been soaked on the actual acid.
Depressed, and wanting to microdose, I took the smallest piece of cardboard (literally like half a centimeter square of cardboard). I thought about making it smaller. Microdosing is supposedly a tiny tiny tiny bit of acid. But I didn’t think it would work. I wouldn’t even think it would hit me hard.
So I took the whole little piece. 1/4 of a hit. Or perhaps 1/6 or a 1/8 of a hit.
And it hit me.
It hit me hard.
Not really a microdose.
I took it after showering in midday. I only had shrimp tacos for breakfast and was doing nothing with my day… so why not?
The first hour or so, I spent it playing Starcraft II. I was actually doing beast… but I would give up and give the GG before actually trying some more. Just to quit and discover I had more resources and more army still…
I won three games out of 8. I could have won them all…
Then NFL started and I was actually tripping.
NFL Monday night was a great game in Mexico City though I was tuning in and out because I was trying to figure out my brain.
I DO FEEL BETTER.
That’s the good news.
It cleared my mind. Or so it felt like it. It made me breathe better. Or so it felt like it. It made me feel happy. Or so I thought. It made a mountain of shit I have to do look insignificant. I can knock all that shit one piece at the time.
It made everything look so insignificant and liberating at the same time.
Life is… nothing really.
That was the conclusion.
No giggles or laughing out loud, but I was laughing inside about how I am miserable from the lack of will. Motivation is hard. And having that tiny hit of acid made me see that I just need to do more shit.
So while tripping… I did stuff that I’ve been wanting to do. I cleaned my apartment and organized it a little bit more…
And the extra room, that I want to turn into a music and photography studio…
Well… I cleaned the fuck out of it and mounted the studio lights for some photo fun.
The lights I got from the office are not that great. Yes. They give you the feel of a studio, but shooting at 800+ ISO in a studio is no good. I need actual strobes.
But they look nice. And it makes it feel somewhat of a studio. So that’s what I got going for it.
I didn’t eat anything. First, because I was tripping and I didn’t want people to see me.
But then, because I didn’t want tacos or the usual garbage I usually consume.
On acid, I usually want fruit or simple stuff.
Almost when coming out of it, six hours of lightly tripping, I grabbed a potato, a habanero chile, and spinach that has been sitting on my fridge for weeks and cooked it all with shit tons of butter, salt, and pepper.
It was great and exactly what I needed.
It made me think that maybe I feel like shit all the time because I eat like shit all the time.
An endless loop of feeling like shit so eating and drinking shit that makes me feel like shit again.
It made me feel better. And I woke up feeling great. I didn’t really want to get out of bed because I don’t have much to do but at the same time, I have a lot to do.
But now I am up. Having coffee. About to get in the shower and cook me some breakfast. Some veggie breakfast.
It made me feel better.
This shit of a year is almost at its end.
I don’t see how life could ever be worse, so it can only get better. And I have to work to make it better.
That was my yesterday. The rest of the week…
Well… Wednesday I worked. I took pictures of insects at Balboa Park. I had some pizza at Luigi’s like always, and went home.
Thursday I did my delivery route and went out with a lovely girl who came bowling with me. My first game was great (167) and then the other two I didn’t even break 100. The girl started with a 61, improve to 62 and ended up getting an 82 or something.
She was happy with the improvement but sad that couldn’t beat me. After that, we went to get some ribs and back to her place with a fridge pack with beer.
She also has cats and bunnies.
And I already met her mother and her sister.
She’s smart and a complete woman. But for some reason, I don’t feel a total connect. So who knows. Not sure how she feels, but I think it’s something similar. We get along just fine and we both love beer.
She also has the same name as my ex…
Friday I tried to do some photo work for Getty. Turns out I need to get the model release form sign before even submitting. Cool photoshoot, but probably not going to get paid for it.
After that, I went to Licor de la Sexta to buy myself some nice beer and I stayed home with my beers.
Saturday was Salsa Fest. I wasn’t really feeling like going. I got no one to go with me. I wasn’t going to get paid, but I had nothing else going… so fuck it. Why not?
I saw one familiar face over there. A girl that goes by the name I Wanna Beer With You. I’ve seen her around, but we never properly met.
She was a lifesaver, she and her friend. I would have been so bored if they weren’t there.
And free beers and chips and a ton of salsa.
Out of 10 salsa places, half were forgettable. The one that I like the most didn’t win, even though I was a judge. The popular vote went for the one I labeled 3rd place. The one that got the judges call I had it at 8th and forgettable place. The tomatillo wasn’t riped or smoked enough so it had a sour kick to it that I like, but not for just a basic salsa. Their red salsa was not very interesting. Not sure why they won.
My favorite salsa was chunky and smokey goodness. It had avocado pieces which I hate, but I could just ignore those. The salsa was delicious.
The one I had in second place had three different types and they were all very good.
She didn’t win either.
I was disappointed with the results but happy with the free beer and salsa and the new acquaintances.
I took shit tons of pictures.
If you haven’t figured out by now… SALSA FEST means chips and salsa. Not salsa dancing. So many people got confused over this…
Speaking of shit tons of pictures, new cover out last week. I thought I was going to get a cover again tomorrow, but they decided on an illustration.
Here’s the latest cover:
Cover #24 of the year. That’s almost half the year of covers. And my third year doing it. Too many covers.
And here I am judging salsas with I Wanna Beer With You:
And finally… NFL SUNDAY!!!
The summary in Español coming soon…
That same Sunday, my friend Beto and his friend came over to play Smash Bros all night. That was my week.
Oh yeah. I keep posting the “book” I wrote over at Tijuana Adventure. In one of the latest chapters, I gave fake names to two dudes who went on a crazy adventure with me. I messaged the dude (because I remembered his name) on FB despite not talking to him since then.
He fucking destroyed me and bashed me over what I wrote. It was long. But it was definitely shit talk. Not sure if he got mad I called him short. Not sure if he got mad because the girls they actually got weren’t very pretty. But he got REALLY mad.
It’s okay though. It’s not like I care much of a dude I met forever ago that I barely remember his name.
And in a way, he was right. It made me laugh and it inspired me to write more. But in general, fuck that dude.
Alright. Now NFL (you can leave now).
Semana #11 de NFL de Fantasía
Todo se define en MNF en el estadio Azteca, bueno no todo…
Jaiba Brava 122.32 vs MyBeerAndMe 106.26
Jaiba ya calificado en primer lugar en lo que fue otro partido debajo de lo predicho pero otro partido donde su contrincante le va peor. Jaiba cada ves va peor, pero toda la liga también parece darle debajo de el promedio. Jaiba iba perdiendo antes de MNF pero todavía tenía dos jugadores, QB Rios y TE estrella Kelce. De su lado, la unica esperanza de MNF de el cervezas era Ekeler. Ekeler por mucho hizo lo suyo, pero Kelce y Rios le dieron a Jaiba la victoria. Ya nada más se tiene que preocupar por los playoffs y el cervezas tiene que ganar sus siguientes dos partidos y una mezcla de resultados para poder pasar.
Queretaro Thunders 125.24 vs The Mongooses 122.02
La unica fe de Simbos para MNF en el Azteca era que se lesionara Tyreek Cerro y Gordon III para que su pateador hiciera pocos puntos y darle la victoria. Parte 1 si sucedió, Cerro se salió de el partido lesionado sin hacer un solo punto (y quién sabe cuando regrese), pero Gordon hizo lo suficiente para llevar a Thunders a la victoria por poquito… Una patada de mas de 40 yardas le hubiera dado la victoria a Simbos, pero esa patada nunca llego. Thunders también calificado y ya nada más se preocupa de los playoffs, Mongooses necesita el mega milagro de ganar sus siguientes dos partidos y una mezcla de resultados para llegar de panzaso.
The Lion King 118.56 vs SanchezStyle 118.16
OUCH!!! El estilos de Sanchez pierde por muy poco contra un Lion King que no ha sido para nada rey toda la temporada. El partido entre Watson y Jackson dejo al QB de Sanchez con muy poquitos puntos, pero nada como el TE de el León que hizo 0.0 puntos con una jugada bien extraña donde se paso el balón como si fuera de basquetbol por su espalda y resulto ser interceptado. Los grandes fueron Jimmy G (para Lion) y DJ Chark para Sanchez, los dos haciendo un poco mas de 30 puntos y algo inesperado. Sanchez dependía de Keenan Allen de los Chargers en el Azteca para poder ganarlo… y hasta los últimos segundos tenía esperanzas de hacer el .40 que le faltaba para ganar, pero su propio hermano con Rios mato el juego con una intercepción horrenda. Estilos se queda en 6 lugar, pero hay 5 equipos abajo de el peleandose por el mismo spot y uno de ellos va contra el la siguiente semana. Los últimos dos partidos para los de la tabla de en medio se va a poner buena.
Guarren Luna 99.68 vs CDMX Ocelopilli 86.68
Guarren de lo que mas aprendió fue de QBs y por eso agarro a Lamar Jackson, su otra opción el buen Mahomes que se lo quedó el MarioBot. Un partido al que temía desde el inicio de la temporada, dos QBs estrellas y quién se lo lleva todo. Jackson, como siempre, se chingo un partidaso, y ya se perfila para ser el mejor QB de la temporada. Mahomes, tuvo un partido. Siempre le va bien en MNF al Mahomes, pero en casa, en el Azteca fue otra historia. Mariobot necesitaba unos 30 puntitos para ganarlo e imposible no estaba, ya que Mahomes promedia mas de 25 por partidos, pero esta ves no le alcanzo. Sobre el resto de sus equipos, todo mal, tan mal que ni uno de los dos rompe el 100 y en la banca no hay mucho. Todo parece indicar que Mariobot se queda en liguilla a menos de que pasen resultados muy sorpresivos. Guarren tiene una lucha dificil para quedarse en los playoffs, primero contra el que va en primer lugar y después contra el último lugar.
Tijuana Hookers 140.88 vs Queretaroosters 131.44
Hablando de el último lugar y de no hacer mas de 100 puntos… Queretaroosters me pone el susto de mi vida cuando se pone las pilas y no solo rompe el 100, pero juega uno de sus mejores juegos en la temporada (y de todos en general). Este juego ya no tenía nada en MNF pero que buen partido nos aventamos de domingo con cambios de último momento y una batalla de cuello y cuello (como dicen los gringos, neck and neck). El McCaffrey no hizo ni un TD pero aún así hizo 30 puntotes, mientras del otro lado el Kirby le atino a su flex, TE, el sleeper WR Diggs, Sutton, Ingram y su cambio de último QB Campo de Mayo. Kirby se despide de la temporada ya que ni un milagro lo salva, mientras que las Hookers tienen dos partidos dificiles adelante, uno contra Thunders y su lluvia de puntos y el otro partido divisional contra Estilos Sanchez para definir la tabla de en medio.
Ya nada más faltan dos semanas… y PLAYOFFS!
Yo seguiré con mi parlay por que todavía tengo esperanza de pegarla. 5 de 8 otra ves. Pinches Panthers y Jaguars me quedaron mal.
There you have it.
Word vomit of the word vomits with a bit of drug-induced word vomit. Now I really need to finish the article I keep talking about that I don’t write. Fuck it. If it gets rejected that’s fine. I just need to go back to producing writing for money… Cover stories that aren’t pictures but words.
But like Chad says “writers get fucked.” Photography and gigging should still be my main and writing just the side crumbs. Not the other way around.