I am doing one of my most hated things.
Waiting for ambition. How do people get ambition?
I was supposed to be in the San Diego airport catching a flight right now. A flight to some city in the US. To do my new job. I thought I would already be doing that job.
I need a job. I’ve done everything this job has asked for. All the paperwork, tax forms, sign here, sign there… And they haven’t given me any hours. I expected 40+ hours last week. I expected 40+ hours this week.
Instead, I get nothing.
Waiting for ambition.
I hate being broke, and broke I am. I wrote a cover story last week. I started working on it back in February 2022, but wrote only two paragraphs. I pushed myself to finish it before January ended. I finished it a week after January ended. But I finished it. It got accepted and it will be the cover sometime in the future.
I’ll get paid sometime in the future as well. In like two weeks. That rescues a bit the hours I didn’t work. I should write more. I am working on more stories.
I sold all the books I ordered. Fifty books. Well… I gave away like seven of them.
And I still have three copies. One is going to be an exchange. Book for a book with comic artist Urbano Mota. He has his own book about Tijuana.
The other two are sold. Sort of. A lot of people tell me they will buy the book, but then they end up not buying it. Or they say “for later.”
Selling books doesn’t make much money. It just makes me more recognizable, which is not what I really want. But the more recognizable I am, the more I sell books.
Basically, get a shit ton of followers or people that know who you are to sell to that 2% of people. 10,000 followers on TikTok (almost). That’s 20 books sold. That’s nothing. I need like a million fucking followers. I already get recognized with 10k. Fucking shit. Why did I decide on writing and books?!
I’ll give you this. Getting nice reviews and nice comments about the book feels nice.
I’ll give you this. It’s also a bit embarrassing for people to know all my shit just like that. Not worth the money. Unless it sells a lot. Then more people know all my shit. What a catch-22.
There are a couple of reviews on GoodReads. I don’t really use that webpage. But I’ve gotten two nice reviews there. They are in Spanish:
February 7, 2023
“Contra todo pronóstico me gustó mucho el anecdotario Tijuana Adventure. Confesiones de un guía de turistas de Matingas.
Leí las primeras treinta y cinco páginas y lo quise tirar a la basura. Estaba enojada. Eso de leer “Tijuana es horrenda” como una decena de veces en pocas hojas, lastimó mi corazoncito y agrió mi ánimo.
Pero luego apelé a mi objetividad y madurez lectora así que retomé el libro al día siguiente, dispuesta a tener la mente abierta para lo que viniera. Total cada quien tiene la Tijuana que quiere y puede.
Mi ciudad, la de las mil caras. La voluble. La inestable. La que algunos amamos y otros odian. En la que puedes soñar y vivir pesadillas a partes iguales. Ésa misma.
Logré meterme en la Tijuana salvaje de Matingas, la que siempre bordea entre la aventura y el desastre. Esa Tijuana que no dudo que exista.
Hay capítulos muy divertidos que repetí a carcajada batiente, como el de Pálida Hortaliza Alegría y otros donde al leer tanto ajetreo entre sexo y alcohol me sentí hasta cruda, desvelada. Y también asqueada.
Anécdotas de una de las caras de Tijuana. Porque tiene mil. Y cada quien tiene la suya. Hay Tijuana para todos. La Tijuana de Matingas. La mía. La tuya. Y la de todos. Porque como dice Matingas, Tijuana es verbo.
Yo tijuaneo. Tú tijuaneas. Todos tijuaneamos.
Dinámica y eternamente incierta.”
I’ll be talking to Gaby on an Instagram Live, February 22nd.
February 2, 2023
“Soy de Tijuana. He vivido en esta ciudad 27 años. Creí conocerla hasta que leí a Matingas. Su Tijuana es diferente a la mía. De no haber sido por sus historias, jamás la habría conocido así.
Este libro no me hace ver una Tijuana mas bella, al contrario, sigue siendo fea. Pero saber que existen otras realidades me hace verla con otros ojos, a veces siento un poco de lástima por ella, otras me gusta la diversidad que encuentro aquí. Lo que sí veo con orgullo es que nuestra Tijuana, la de Matingas y la mía, está en constante cambio, adaptándose, renovándose, reinventándose. Esta ciudad no es la misma de hace 5 años, por lo que me hace pensar ¿en dónde estaremos dentro de 5 años más?
Leer este libro era como estar con Matingas tomándome una cerveza en algún bar de la zona centro, o caminando en la Revolución, o comiendo en Telefónica Gastropark, contándome sus mejores historias con mucho humor y honestidad.”
Two different yet similar takes. Through my book, I take people of Tijuana to a Tijuana that they’ve never been. Gringos relate more to that Tijuana. Is the Tijuana that welcomes you when you are coming from up north. It’s a way different Tijuana than the people that grew up in Tijuana. Or the ones that migrate from other areas.
Everyone has their own Tijuana. That’s the point of the book. And I narrate my Tijuana.
I had a tour this Saturday. I rejected it because I thought I had work. When they didn’t schedule me for work, I told them I could still do a tour for a discounted price. They didn’t answer.
Yes. I already emailed people at my new job to see what is up with the job.
I just got a text from one of the higher ups… Let’s see what happens.
Whoa. I’m getting scheduled for my first show I think.
Still waiting. And emails. And I’m not sure what happened or what happens next.
I should cook me some breakfast.
Whoa. More paperwork had to be filled. And now I have my first gig with the job I got in two weeks! It should be interesting. I need more jobs so this is good.
I need to buy clothes and shoes for this new job. All black. It will help with weddings and other gigs anyway. Good. I got a gig. And more are coming.
I can afford another box of books though they make me much money. There’s a book fair on March and my editor wants me to participate in it. I need a box for that.
Lessons learnt from the first box.
I need to put a number on each book.
I need to separate the cash I’m making with the cash I already have. It becomes a mess. I’m not sure how much money I ended up making.
The book is more expensive now. 400 pesos. People that want it will pay the price. People that are hesitant won’t buy it if it was cheaper and I lose money anyway. One dude almost paid triple the price because he though it was 800 instead of 300. A couple others paid me 500 and said keep the change. So people will definitely pay 400 for the book.
Selling books in a shoe store was an interesting experiment. People want to pay with bank transfer or credit cards. I can’t accept either as of now. If I did, the ones at the shoe store would have sold. Instead, I ended up grabbing them and selling them myself.
I just got a message from a girl from Spain. She’s a fan. She claims to be my #1 fan. She’s reading my book and loves my TikTok celebrity content. She inspired me to do more. Unfortunately, the two celebrities she asked for, I never photographed.
My TikTok reach is crazy. It grows daily and I don’t even post videos. The latest I posted didn’t get that many views, so I got discouraged. This random chick telling me she loves my content… Just revitalized me.
I need ambition.
Where to find ambition?
Why don’t they sell like a pill that gives you ambition?
Where do you find ambition?
I’ve been stuck in Longview by Green Day for far too long.
I got no motivation.
If you didn’t get the reference.
I got some motivation. I’m doing this new gig. I finished a story. I need to write more. Like way more.
A friend is challenging me on Starcraft. That motivates me. I have confidence I can beat him.
This post needs a picture. Here is my TikTok at almost 10k. In like 10 months, it will be like at 100k and this post will be sort of relevant to look back to.
Didn’t mention my ex again.
I still think about her way too often. I’ve been trying to get over her in the worst manner ever. By hitting on the girl that I had a crush on before dating her. She’s not even remotely paying attention to me. But she’s hot as f so I’ll keep trying. Getting rejected by her inspires me to write silly things. And it makes me forget about my ex. So it sort of works. Sorry, María. You hot as f though.
I still don’t get why she broke up with me. I still don’t get why this super hot girl doesn’t want me. I aim too high.
Thanks for reading. Buy my books.
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Follow me on TikTok just because it’s the thing we do in the future.
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