Donatella Died, Valle de Guadalupe Trip – Sex Change – “Paparazzi Daze” Book 63.7% Done

The longer I go without writing, the harder it gets to get back to it.

It has happened to me before.

It is happening to me again.

You forget just how you do it.

How do I just sit here and word vomit so much?

How did I write a book about Tijuana in a couple of months?!

It feels like it was years ago.

2020 fucking sucks.

I took my car to the mechanic yesterday. The engine gave out, kaput. After it passed smog… if it didn’t pass smog, I could have just gotten $1,000 voucher from the government, and from there I could grab a new car. A friend offered me his Tacoma for 4k… I love Tacomas. But I have to fix Donatella.

It should be around 600-800 to fix her. I was about to go on a massive shopping spree and spend around that much on Amazon on little things for the studio, some pro-controllers for the switch cuz the Joy-Cons are a piece of shit, and more. Not anymore. Gotta wait to fix all of this.

Before she broke down, I took a trip to Valle de Guadalupe. I’ve been meaning to go.

This is how it happened.

Marco posted a little story that he was glamping somewhere in Valle. It is not typical for this dude goes glamping in Valle, so I inquired. I thought he got some sort of deal, maybe even a free spot, but he didn’t. A “friend” of his works there, but no discount was given. I kept inquiring. He responded with “you got to call the friend desk.”

After calling, I realized that the “friend” is also a friend I know. It was such a “duh it’s you” moment. She only had one room available left for $129. I thought of going solo, but that much money for myself, what a waste.

I asked my crush. You wanna go to Valle? LIKE NOW!

Like… let’s fucking go right now. Grab your shit. Let’s go.

She hesitated. Then said no.

I asked my second choice (a friend). She said she didn’t have work till Sunday. I said I would pay for everything. Let’s FUCKING GO!

It worked. She agreed.

I reserved the room and drove to Valle with her. This was all decided around 5 pm… we made it before sunset and met my friends over at Lumi Glamping spot.

Those fuckers BIKED all the way from Tijuana to Valle. No wonder they weren’t responding. Oh yeah, the second fucker all the way over there was my co-brother-in-law. I didn’t even recognize him in the story.

We had dinner over at Xaroma, neighbors of Lumi. I posted a review and pictures over my food Instagram, here.

My blog is running out of space again, I had to delete old paparazzi pictures.

Dinner was so great and cheaper than I expected and I was so happy to be out of Tj, that I offered to pay for it with my card. I got repaid with cash, but still, I covered most of the meal.

I had a feeling of FUCK IT let’s spend money.

I spent more money than I should have.

It was worth it.

Not only that dinner. The room was expensive and I bought a bottle of wine (it was only $15) and bought a bunch of beers for the party (also cheap).

On our way back from Valle, we stopped Transpeninsular, again, I posted on my Foodagram.

The oysters were fantastic. Worth it going back just for that.

Oh yeah.

It’s still 2020 and Covid-19 is still around. Everything was enjoyed under new sanitizing protocols. All restaurants and places had the disinfectant mats, plenty of hand sanitizer, a lot of mask-wearing, and more.

It is still starting to feel like it is all behind us. Then it spikes again. Then it is all behind us again.

This year has been such a shitshow.

The border is a fucking mess.

I don’t ever want to cross it again unless I have SENTRI. I feel like my days in this city and as a border crosser are dwindling. But who knows.

After Transpeninsular we stopped by Wendlandt for one more beer, then back to Tijuana. We stopped by an Oxxo for refreshments and that’s when Donatella started smoking… Light smoke came out of the hood… when I tried turning her on, she wouldn’t. We almost got stuck in the middle of nowhere… but Donatella started running on my third attempt.

Engine Light went on.

Not only on. It started blinking.

I was nervous the whole way back that my car might explode. It was uneventful… But now the mechanic says the engine died and there was nothing different I could have done to save her…

My other book…

I stopped writing twice. Both times I took a long time to start writing again. I’m on my second break.

That first break happened when I got stuck in something with my hard-drive. This second break is something similar. I’m more than halfway done. Around 63.7% done with the book. The rest I sort of have it written in my head. It should all be downhill. As soon as I start writing it again, I won’t stop and I will finish it.

Then it will be a shit ton of editing. Weeks of that. A week of making the cover happen and the whole submission through Amazon.

By the end of September, the paparazzi book will be out.


Paparazzi book.

I repeat.


I still get a shit ton of visitors in my blog because of celebrities I mentioned a long time ass ago.

Buy my book.

My future book.

Pre-order now!

Except there’s no way to pre-order.

What helps the most is, buy my other book!

Buy it HERE!

I’ve sold one digital copy and two physical copies all of August and my rating has dipped lower than the top 100. Only one sale usually brings me way up to the top 25 in my category.

I never erased July from my whiteboard. I didn’t even erase gigs I already did, like the strawberry gig and the reptile gig. I’ll do that now.

This was the reptile gig.

I also had another gig involving school teachers. Another cover shoot.

She was cute.

Tomorrow’s cover might be mine again. I’m not sure. It is about immigrants.

I had a very awkward encounter. I met with a Kenyan-born American citizen who loves Trump and dislikes BLM in a nice restaurant way up north. That was the awkward part. I’m open-minded and it was work. Nah. As soon as I started taking pictures in the nice restaurant, two women sitting nearby inquired about it. The Kenyan invited them over to our table, bought them drinks, and ordered appetizers.

The chat was going well despite the women clearly being drunk. One of them was hitting on me heavily. Told me she wanted to kidnap me, shaved me, and sell me to the highest bidder. She thought I was 26. She told me she had a 23-year-old daughter.

I’m fucking 34.


But hey!

That 40+year-old woman thought I was younger.

That still wasn’t the awkward part… it was when the Trump conversation came out. Oh shit.

Again, I wanted to avoid it because fuck it, no one changes their mind. Trump is a piece of shit. And if you like him now… then it’s too late or too far to change your mind. Nothing I say or do will change your mind, so why even try.

That’s my attitude.

Just move on.


But it wasn’t the attitude with one of the ladies. She started yelling “YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER?! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IF SHE GETS GRABBED BY THE PUSSY?!”

Kenyan dude didn’t care. I think he sees women as inferiors. Because he talked about invading villages and taking women as property…

The nice restaurant care. Ladies tried to order another drink. Management came over and told them they weren’t getting any more drinks.

I only had a beer and some appetizers.

And I tried to get away from the situation several times, but at the same time, it was work.

More pictures.

Work was done.

Time to leave.

I wanted to do more shit in America… but after that… I was out. I wanted to go back home. Fuck.

Weird shit always happens to me.

Besides learning my car went to shit yesterday, I had a photoshoot with some cute dogs for my brother and his wife. The photo shoot went great. My lights are still fucking amazing. I’ve been doing a lot of other photoshoots outside of work. Many MANY fucking selfies. Like a lot of selfies. And I’ve been learning a lot about studio lighting, yet there is still much more to do.

That job interview I mentioned in the previous post got done. It went great. I never got a callback. Probably because they could tell I didn’t really want the job. I want it. I just don’t really want it. If I was younger…

My friend Karla came for more photoshoots. She brought her sister. This was the result:

A day later, she brought her friend Marlen.

This was the result:

She looks like a mix between two of my ex-girlfriends…

My model exgf blocked me out of nowhere. We stopped following each other but suddenly, she blocked me. No idea what I did to her. The last few times I saw her, things were friendly. And I actually did a couple of favors for her…

Not sure what happened. She still looks great. She is still modeling all over and getting better results. Yeah. Just checked her profile. Yep. She looks amazing.

Marlen is just as cute but way cooler. She’s also engaged. So nothing.

I fall in love and like girls way too often.

My crush is confusing as fuck though. And it’s dangerous. Like I know she can hurt me. And I still want to try and kiss her.

Then there is another cute girl that I like a lot too. I might see her tomorrow.

And there is also another one who keeps editing my pictures for me. She edits them like this:

Goddamn, I’m hot.

I still never downloaded any of those sex-change filters or anything. This chick told me to meet her for a beer at a gay bar. I told her I couldn’t because I was editing. She said she could edit for me. And started downloading pics I posted and putting filters on them… and turning me into a woman. Also, that’s what she is. She’s a translady.

No idea who she is.

One day I woke up to an Instagram message that said “Hola papi.” I told her I’m straight. She keeps insisting. She looks cute in pictures. But fuck. So do I!

It’s weird that seeing me as a woman reaffirms my own good looks. That’s now narcissistic I am.

There’s that sort of meme thing that says “hey bro, do you think that guy is good looking?” The response usually says, “I can’t tell, I’m not gay.” Which the meme goes like “you are not blind you dumbfuck.”

And well…

I sort of am.

I honestly can’t tell if a guy is good looking unless I see their female counterpart. I can tell if one is ugly, but if he is attractive, not really. I wouldn’t find myself attractive, but goddamn… I am. I would make one cute chick.

September is almost here. I keep pushing my book back. I should have it done by now. No plans for September. There’s not much work on the horizon. Finish my fucking book.

After that…

I have no idea what will happen.

After that… elections are coming.

After that… the year ends.

In what was the fastest / slowest year in existence.

I’m already looking forward to 2021 as if 2020 didn’t exist. And I think I’m not alone.




I’ve been drinking A SHIT TON OF BEER. I barely even do the shows now. But fuck have I been drinking a lot of beer… That’s all I do. Drink beer. Play Starcraft. Eat tacos. Hit on pretty girls. Rinse. Repeat.

I also started adding a “b” before my hahahas. Not sure why. BAHAHAHA just sounds funnier.

My beer belly (and belly in general) is the biggest it has been in my life. And so is my beard. It’s the longest it has ever been.

What a weird life.




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