49 Weeks, 2 Days.
It’s dumb to count because I really lost count forever ago.
But I miss my mom so much… I can’t believe it’s going to be a full year without her.
It still feels like I’m going to see her on a holiday thing. But no.
2020 is around the corner.
I should feel good that this shit year is over. That the numbers change from 2019 to 2020. But I don’t. It’s cold out. My fingers are freezing while I type this. And fucking Tijuana… there’s no water in my apartment, for the second day straight.
I didn’t finish the piece I wanted to finish. I took my MacBook to Houston for almost no reason at all. All I did with it was watch some Netflix while passing out. Less than an hour of MacBook consumption.
I wanted to write this stupid blog while in Texas.
I wanted to finish that Michael Jackson piece.
I slept a lot. I drank a lot. I ate a bunch. I hung out with family. And I was on the verge of tears every other moment I was alone…
I don’t think my family noticed. It doesn’t matter. I hold them back now. I cried too much throughout the year to cry again whenever I think of mom. I’ve been good at holding them back. I’m holding them back right now.
I wanted to hang out with my Tía Wendy (my mom’s sister) 1 on 1 and just talk about her. I never found the courage to bring her up. I was scared of tearing up pointlessly. I should have… But I didn’t.
She mentioned Grandma Jul. That’s my mom’s grandma. I have a copy of her passport from 1904 when my American side of my family (Tío Alan send it to me via email). Turns out I have Jewish Russian blood through Moldovia. My ancestors escaping Jewish persecution of 1903.
The other side was Austrian Jewish.
Or so I think.
I’m confused now.
I got distracted with Trump news.
He is still in office.
Mom wouldn’t have liked that.
Texas was great. I didn’t even want to come back. Christmas felt like an American nice Christmas with presents. I feel shitty I had no Christmas presents for anyone… and I got some.
I got some new socks that my primo Jackson gave me. They are the same socks my mom gave me three Christmases ago, but instead of red, they are purple. They are the Rip n’ Dip kind with the cat giving you the finger.
I really like the socks, except that there are news that the owner of the company ripped his friend and beats his wife. So I refused to purchase them. If I get them as a gift, I’m still fucking wearing them because they are really cool socks. Thanks, primo Jackson!
I got two memory sticks of 32 gbs from my primo John. I really needed some of those, so thanks John!
My Tía Wendy gave me a hoodie from Underarmour. It’s super light. I love light hoodies. It doesn’t zip all the way down, but I still like it a lot. Thanks, Tía Wendy!
And… I also got Breath of the Wild from my primo Chris. My twin if I had no Mexican blood in me. The issue here is… I already have Breath of the Wild for the Wii U. He didn’t even know it existed for the Wii U.
It’s one of my favorite games EVER. But owning two copies of it seems sort of redundant. Though I am still tempted to keep the switch version, I started a new game on the Wii U and it feels naturally great. I have the receipt for the game, so I can go to Target and get a different game (I hope). Thanks, primo! For a game I already have, but you inspired me to play it again and I’m also getting a new game anyway…
The question is… which one?
And I also got a Xmas boot filled with candy and Emergen-C for some reason.
It felt very Xmas in Houston like. Except without my mom. Which sucked.
She was home. She was Xmas. She was all.
And it’s so weird to still live without her.
I have no idea what future Xmas will hold. I feel so lonely.
I haven’t worked out at all.
I haven’t showered in two days but that’s not my fault because my Tijuana apartment has no water…
On my way home, Spirit airlines offered a $600 voucher if you give up your seat because they oversold it. I wanted to stay longer and $600 would be nice, so I took the offer.
After I took the offer, a family of four did the same. It was easier for the agent to deal with the family of four instead of me (I didn’t even need a hotel). I got on the plane and they took my offer away.
$600 on flying vouchers would have been nice. Not to mention my Tía paid for the flight, so it would be like paying her back for it.
Stupid family of four.
I haven’t had breakfast. I woke up late. And that’s because Sunday I spent it sleeping.
When I came back from Houston, my street was filled with shit rivers like it is after it rains. Except, it hasn’t rained. Tijuana is a shitty mess. I have no water because the water is spilling into the streets. And it’s fucking cold out.
I’m not happy to be back.
Reality sucks big time.
2020 is going to be better.
Let’s keep repeating that same lie we repeat to ourselves every new year.
I’ll work out more.
I’ll work more.
2020 is going to be way better.
I shall grab some breakfast supplies before continuing. I am under $1k in my bank account and I hate that feeling. It’s time to be a cheap slop until I get more gigs and make money.
I need way more gigs. I always say this. Moving out would be nice.
I woke up super late because yesterday, Sunday, I drank really early and passed out in the afternoon. Slept all afternoon and woke up at 11 pm to play BotW till 6 a.m.
I drank all day because I put a parlay bet on the NFL. Not an 8-game parlay like I usually do. I didn’t wake up early enough. I did a three-game parlay. Just like the first time I did an 8-game parlay, I was sure I nailed it. After all, I get 6/8 as my average.
Fucking Colts betrayed me. Or the Jaguars did. I got 2/3 right. Played $13 to win $80. And the Jaguars scored more than they have in the past 6 weeks.
A Gringo in the casino bet a lot of money in the Texans. I told him, “you know Texans are playing their reserves, right?” He said he doesn’t care because the line was too large and he will take the Texans on -10 any day.
He was wrong.
I feel a small comfort in that.
That he was wrong.
Just like I was wrong about the Jaguars and Colts.
He was so fucking confident that the Texans will cover the line. It made me nervous about that game. Yeah. They lost by a lot.
Jaguars winning though… who saw that coming?!
Speaking of winning…
I WON THE NFL FANTASY FINALS!
So at least that’s some money coming my way.
No summary necessary… my rival didn’t even show up. I won by a landslide. It was the first time in the year he didn’t break 100 points. I did way more than expected.
First time winning NFL Fantasía. It felt great. It still does. And I guess I do have some money coming my way, so that should relax me a bit. I won two weeks of money or so.
I spend a lot of money really fast without even noticing and then I tell myself I’ll just make more money so I don’t worry about it.
I should be writing about Michael Jackson. Not all this stupid crap.
Then continue this. Then MJ of Tijuana story. That should be great.
Breakfast was delicious. Three small cheese, eggs, and chorizo burritos. I haven’t bought tortillas in a long time, not sure why. Now I have cheese and tortillas but no salsa… still…
I need to pack my fridge with food and not eat out as much.
Water is back. So I should shower soon.
Before showering, I should work out a bit… I haven’t in forever. It’s going to suck.
I’ve been seeing a young girl. And by young, I mean, she’s 25. So 8 years younger than me.
She’s super cute and great body… but it feels a bit toxic. Us in general. We disagree on a lot of things. And she is a wild one.
Her English is not very good, though she is in San Diego right now… and I haven’t told her about this blog. I don’t think I will. I don’t think it will last.
I haven’t backed up November. I still have to back up December. My new mega hard drive is barely used. I need to do all that. And start 2020.
Back to Texas.
My cousin took me to the best Tex-Mex food he can think of. Is there such a thing as best Tex-Mex?
Or good Tex-Mex?
Queso with chips was really good. And their red salsa was good… But I ordered “el Eduardo” which consisted of a steak quesadilla and a cheese fajita.
It’s like 7-Eleven food gourmet. The fajita was like a small burrito with melted shit on top of it and cubed chicken not properly grilled or season. Basically, microwaved.
The steak quesadilla was alright.
And it came with rice and beans… AND FOR SOME weird fucking reason, lettuce and tomato. Not pico de gallo. Just lettuce and tomato.
Red salsa to the rescue.
That place is “Teohitihuacan” or how my primo calls it “Teh-Oh-Tee.” Like peyote, but teyote. That’s his favorite Houston restaurant. He had his wedding reception there.
Three days later, my cousin with friends took me to a place which was literally in front of Teyote’s. It was a brisket place called Pinkerton’s. Though I ordered the wrong thing, it was still great. BRISKET! Texas! It’s what I expect from Texas.
What I wasn’t expecting from Texas, was a really good microbrewery. My uncle is friend’s with the owner. Or so he says. More like the owner works under him. I expected a dude his age. Nah. The dude was my age and from San Diego… so it made sense that he nailed the west coast IPAs.
The XPA over at Sigma Brewing was the best. Surprisingly great beer overall. And a great theme. I enjoyed myself. And had pizza.
I enjoyed Houston.
It’s a very different life.
Everything is so expansive.
Everything stretches out for miles and miles.
Even the people.
I mean… not be a dick to Houstonians or Texans, but I am going to be a dick…
California people are prettier.
There. I said it.
My brother wants to me to go hang out for a bit. I shall. I should shower and go.
Then I will return to finish my Michael Jackson piece.
For inspiration, I will post a picture:
I interviewed him two weeks ago. I translated everything. It’s a great story. I’ve told people about the story. I’m a good storyteller…
I just don’t write it.
I should stop striving for perfection.
I just did 20 push-ups and 40 sit-ups.
It felt like fucking hell…
I need to work out more.
Spotify just gave me a really good new math rock band I never heard.
This year, I have no top 10.
I’ve listened to a lot of music.
But this year… this year fucking blew.
Fuck you 2019. I’m glad you are over.
Really… Really… Really fuck you 2019.
Before 2019 ends… I WILL have that MJ story done. I will finish it by tonight, polish it tomorrow, and send it then.
Fuck you old me.
Which is still the same as me.