I’m blogging when I shouldn’t be blogging…
I’ve had a weird week. And here I am…
The year is about to end. I’m not sure what I’m doing next year except I have a new weekly distributing gig, so nice guaranteed money. And I still have the photo gig. And I’m still writing. And I still have ad work.
So basically, I have a bunch of work and that couldn’t make me happier.
What’s not making me happy… it’s the other.
Yep…
Bumble Girl.
She texted me apologizing. Let’s be friends.
And I saw her last week on Friday. Let’s be friends.
And it felt like that. Let’s just be friends.
I thought the night was going to end early and we were going to part ways. End in good terms.
Let’s be friends.
It didn’t.
But that was the last time we were going to spend the night together. So she said.
“You’re a brat.”
I think she says that when she means she likes me.
And then it stops.
I’m confused.
Left thinking about her. And heartbroken.
Again.
I had a busy weekend. I worked in a story that I’ve been trying to avoid. The migrants.
That’s heartbreaking.
That’s another story.
That’s work work. And I shall work on it this week.
During work, Bumble Girl texted me that she was coming down to Tijuana. On a Sunday. Though we weren’t supposed to see each other until Tuesday.
Before getting here, she told me she brought a friend.
It felt like I was chaperoning a date.
I know she doesn’t mean to play with my feelings. I know she’s not doing this to hurt me.
But it was uncomfortable and it pained me.
And it pains me more now that she doesn’t text back.
As a friend, she should. As a confusing girl, she won’t.
And we’re supposed to see each other tomorrow.
We won’t… Cuz I’m done.
If we are to be friends, I need time and space. I don’t want to hear from her until I move on. Until my feelings are pushed all the way down to where I don’t care. Maybe I’ll even meet someone else. But I want to move on.
And it’s easy.
I’ve done it plenty. I just really do need time and space. Like 6 months will do.
It’s happen to me countless times before. When a girl doesn’t want to fully date me but still enjoys my time and wants to be me. But no. Not fully date me.
And there I go like an idiot thinking she might be my girlfriend in the future. Then it doesn’t happen. And moments later, they get a new boyfriend. And I’m left there like a fucking idiot.
That’s what will happen if I try to just be her friend and slowly let things flow. Suddenly, it won’t work. She will meet someone else. Maybe through Bumble. Or probably an old friend. That’s who came over yesterday. Just a friend.
It was obvious to me that he wanted her. Or at least that’s how I read it. The dude had to work at 7 a.m. the next day and he randomly joined her to go to a Tijuana adventure?
Yeah. Only people that want to hook up do that. I could be wrong… But I was just there trying to not be an awkward third wheel. I couldn’t shake the feeling. And I had work to do.
I actually had work to do. So I’m glad I left.
And I have more work to do.
So I’m leaving her. Pushing my feelings all the way down.
Sorry, Bumble Girl. But I can’t continue like this.
Moving on.
Today’s my last day of NFL Fantasy.
My best two players are out. So I already lost. I need a miracle tonight to survive. I have 2% chance of winning. It’s not going to happen, though it would be really nice.
So I say bye to NFL Fantasy.
And I say bye again to Bumble Girl.
For the third fucking time.
And back to work.
Back to fucking work.
And…
I hate this morning.
She never texted me yesterday. We are supposed to see each other today. Haven’t received a text.
I deleted her number. I have so much to say. And I just rather not.
Princess came to hang out with me last night and watch NFL and make me feel better. I am better.
Not in fantasy. I lost that shit pathetically.
Feelings-wise, I feel horrible. But decision-wise… I’m confident. Still unsure of what I will do if she texts me. But the balance inclines more to “bye forever.”
I don’t want or welcome these feelings.
I woke up feeling like shit. I still feel like shit. And I rather not. Not worth it. She’s not.
I also feel bad because I am not sure what I’m doing for work. From here, till the end of the year. Get a car. That’s one of the things I MUST FUCKING DO.
And this time for serious.
Before New Years.
I will have a car.
Write some articles. I don’t have too, but I need money. So yes.
Find more clients. I don’t have too, but I need money. So yes.
Done with pictures until mid-January. Could shoot more because it’s easy and I need money. So yes.
There’s plenty to do. No desire to do it.
I will. I will.
Let’s waste time and talk about fantasy. Do some push-ups. Shave. And get ready to do my day.
I hate Tuesdays.
Cuartos de final de fantasía.
Y así… me despido de la ENEFELE de fantasía. El novato de Mario me vence por muchos puntos.
No fue mi culpa… no fue mi culpa.
Se me fue Hunt. Se lesionó Beckham un segundo antes del partido. McCoy se lesiono después de la primera jugada. Primos no hizo nada. Boyd tampoco. Lockett quedo corto. Igual que Zach Ertz. Mi pateador si fue decente (aunque menos de lo esperado). Y metí a los Texans en ves de los Ositos (4 puntos vs 20 puntos). Aunque hubiera metido mi banca que hizo mas puntos, no hubiera sido lo suficiente.
Fue mi peor partido. Y ya con eso me salgo de la liga. Y ni consolación existe. Juego un partido más para el “5to” lugar. Tan siquiera los que no llegaron a los playoffs tienen su propios partidos para no ser el peor. Yo ya me quedé en medio de la tabla. Mejor que último lugar, pero un poco decepcionante simplemente quedar así…
Tijuana Hookers 78.32 vs 127.60 Ocelopilli
Mario nada más hizo el error de dejar a Ebron en ves de Kittle. Antes del match, supuse que le iba ir mucho mejor a Kittle. También se equivoco de QB metiendo a Felipe Rios en ves de a mi tocayo Ryan. Pero con las fuerza de los dos jovensitos RBs que son los caballos de carga de sus respectivos equipos, con eso basta. Y esas fuerzas RBs se enfrenta a la fuerza de RBs de el estilazo Sánchez la siguiente semana para la semifinal.
El otro cuarto de final.
Thunders 168.06 vs 135.72 The Lion King.
Ni que decir, no pude ver los partidos. Andaba trabajando visitando los albergues de la caravana de migrantes con una reportera Canadiense y apenás pude checar mi partido. Menos iba a checar el de alguien mas. Y después de todo el trabajo, le cayó la morrita que me gusta (pero con otro vato). No fue buen día de fantasy y a la mierda con esa morrita, pude tan siquiera ver el último partido.
Pero lo importante es que Thunders arraso. Pasaron de panzaso y ahora parece que sueñan con quedar en primer lugar. El Andy Suertes hizo mas de lo esperado, pero son también sus fuerzas de RB que le dieron el gane. Las Vaqueritas se pusieron las pilas y de repente se pusieron a ganar usando eficazmente a Elliott. Pinches vaqueritas. Todo su demás equipo también le cumplio con mas de lo necesario e hizo buen trabajo en dejar su banca con bajos puntos.
Del otro lado, el calladito Lion King, ya quedo fuera. Le cumplieron sus Patrios aunque perdieron con la jugada ridícula de los Delfines al final. Gronkowski no funciono como defensa y no pudo derribar a nadie en esa última jugada, pero no importa, hizo el doble los puntos que se esperaba. Y buen trabajo dejando a Goff afuera que fue destruido por los Ositos. Pero… Thunders imparable se chingo al Rey León, al que todavía desconozco y me hace un poco feliz que el no puede ser el ganador (me enfrento contra el en el partido chafisima por el 5to lugar).
Los Thunders van contra los DolphLundgreens donde por ahora, las predicciones están parejas.
Todos los demás andaban en BYE week. Todos los demás no importan. A pagarle 200 pesos al que será ganador! (y luego le invitan a unas cheves al narrador).
Ahora a ponerle atencion a los semifinalistas. Hagan sus apuestas. Quién se lleva todo?
Yo… personalmente… le voy a Mario.
No more NFL fantasy.
More NFL of course… but I don’t really care much without the fantasy. I’m going to watch just to see my friends semifinals and for a lame fifth place. But then, it’s real playoffs… and I don’t’ really have a team.
I never really liked the Bears, but I like them this year. Same with Texans.
But I simply don’t care. I just care about my fantasy team.
No more caring about the NFL until next year. And I already want to form a new team and play over again.
Stupid fucking fantasy.
And about this blog…
I seriously don’t fucking know what I’m doing anymore.
I was supposed to only write once a month summarizing my month… A couple months back I started doing whenever I feel like it… and now it feels weekly.
I ran out of space on WordPress though, unless I want to pay… And I might have too. Or delete old photos. So many paparazzi photos.
No one reads my old blogs. I have posted way too many.
Still to come before the year ends…
The summarize of the whole year. Top 10 in music. Top 10 in other shit.
Still to come before the year ends…
Plans for next year.
Fuck. I didn’t get the penthouse. Fuck. I didn’t move from here. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck…
But move on. I will have a car and still a more stable paycheck. And will continue to grow and grow and grow. That’s the plan.
Take life by the balls.
Work. Work. Work. Write another book. Keep working.
That’s what I was doing at the beginning of the year, that’s what I plan on doing next year.
This post needs a picture. I haven’t posted anything on Instagram or much in social media in a while. Just stupid fucking blog posts.
Here’s a puppy:
That puppy belongs to a migrant. I am confident the US would take 50,000 migrant puppies over migrant humans. That’s the world we live in.
I went through all the pics. I could have posted sad looking migrants or the camp. But I still need to save all that text for my next story idea. One that I still don’t want to write… but I feel like it’s my responsibility. My job. Not doing it for money. Yes doing it for money.
And life goes on.
Life fucking goes on…
Matingas 