It’s some sort of holiday in Mexico.
It’s some sort of holiday in the US.
It means nothing to me.
I had a horrible Monday after having a great weekend.
It all started to go downhill on Sunday… When she left. And I started missing her.
Then, on Monday, I got that dreaded text. “Let’s just be friends.”
It was something I said.
It is the wrong timing.
It’s always something.
But called it from the beginning. We were probably end up just being friends.
It still hurts.
And it depresses me.
Tuesday now. And it still feels the same way.
She asked while we cuddled in bed, “do you think we will fizzle out?”
I said probably.
Didn’t expect it to be this soon.
I was so happy imagining my days with her. She makes me happy.
But now that’s gone.
Just like I was so happy imagining my days in the penthouse. The penthouse would make me happy.
And now that’s gone.
It was a great weekend. It somehow started on Wednesday. I had to do some work up in northern San Diego. I didn’t have a car. I asked her for the favor. I drove her car with her with me. It felt nice. I did work. And I got to hang out with her. And more.
Inseparable almost. We hung out on Friday again. We ate, drank, and were merry. So merry, that it continued through Saturday. Both of us ignoring birthday parties that we were supposed to attend just to be together for a bit longer.
We ate so fucking much. It was great. Though she complains that I don’t feed her enough.
It’s insane that we barely know each other for a month but I already felt a lot.
And for the first time in my life, I was taking things really slow.
Very slow.
We didn’t even kiss before this last weekend. And we finally did on Friday night. In a parking lot. Felt right.
Apparently, it wasn’t…
We’re not compatible that way. Or so she says. So I’m left feeling destroyed. And lonesome. Just like I was before.
Sadness engulfs me.
I was trying to work on Monday. Work on other sad shit.
The migrant issue has me stress for no reason. I’ve been trying to avoid the subject, but it’s nearly damn impossible. And it’s fucking sad.
Reddit discussions.
Disgusting Facebook comments and posts.
Lack of humanity and compassion.
It’s not racism. It’s pure ignorance.
“I recuse myself from writing about the caravan beside on this FB post.
The only time to hate Honduras or El Salvador is on the football pitch during the World Cup (or any other soccer tourney). The Catrachos play to injure… But…
They are migrants and Latino brothers looking for a better life. They could be Haitians or Chinese, or from Sinaloa. The difference here is that Trump successfully installed fear not only in Gringos but in Mexico as well. All this is doing is dividing Mexico the same way he successfully divided the US.
This is practically the same as when Haitians arrived. Now, people are going to say “it’s the attitude because they are demanding and blah blah.” Yep. That’s the rhetoric that divides the country. All I’ve heard from them is that they are very happy Mexico is lending them a hand and that they are looking for work.
But remember when Haitians were getting here?
A lot of people had the idea that “pinches negros se van a volver criminales.” And now… what? Everyone seems to like the Haitian color brought to the city. A Haitian cut my hair and trimmed my shitty beard yesterday. He did an excellent job (albeit, a bit tough with the clippers).
I really don’t know what is going to happen at the end. And as a border crosser, I am concerned about what will happen to me in the short term. But not because of this am I going to look at disgust at the caravan. Because again… THEY ARE FUCKING PEOPLE!
Holy shit, the comments I read online are straight up the same comments that basement dwellers MAGA neckbeards and trolls post.
So… can everyone just fucking relax?
If you don’t want to help, don’t. The chance of the caravan affecting you directly is MINIMAL. Even if there are criminals in it.
Just getting it off my chest. Now shower and to work I go.”
It was a popular post. It got shared. I didn’t want or expect that. That was supposed to be it.
But I couldn’t stop…
“All this shit with the migrants breaks my heart.
If they weren’t in the news, no one would give a single fuck except the shelters who always help any human in need.
What the fuck do you think is going to happen if 5,000 more migrants appear in Tijuana?
The city has received over 100,000+ deportees and other migrants in the past couple of years…
Both sides are fucking stupid. If you disagree with all the racist comments, just be a bigger man, delete, and forgive. Forgive them for being idiots. Forgive them for not having compassion. They are both scared and stupid, both things that you can’t fix that easy.
Anger towards them just causes them to be angrier. Gasoline feeding the fire. Because no matter what, they want to be right. And let their stupidity be.
Help the migrants if you want to help. Don’t fight the hate, cuz you can’t… And you’ll just end up getting tired and filled with more hate. Trust me. I hate you all.
NOW FUCKING LET ME BE AND ENJOY NFL SUNDAY!!!
COME ON FITZMAGIC STOP THROWING INTERCEPTIONS!”
Again… a popular post, except for the part of the NFL.
And that’s what I was doing on Sunday. Watching NFL.
The migrant encampment was near my house. So, in between games, I went to check it out.
It felt horrible. Right away, the negative energy. The press media circlejerk. Humans or sad stories are “good material.” And that’s what I’m supposed to do? Exploit the situation for a paycheck?
Apparently, yes.
I didn’t take my camera. Though the iPhone X would suffice. And it did. But my camera would have been way better. Again, I do not really want to exploit the situation. But I also need to eat.
Here’s a pic because this post also needs a pic:
I believe a cover story picture I took comes out tomorrow.
I got hit up by the owner of the San Diego Red (not the Reader). He wanted an article about it. I know I could have asked for $200 or more (though they take forever to pay).
But my loyalty is to the Reader.
And I hate being compared to the Red.
So I started writing the article on Monday. I need to work. I haven’t written dick and my cushy job disappeared like it was supposed to. My deal changed again. Now I get paid hourly. I just need to work when I don’t feel the desire too.
But I wanted to work. To make some cash so I can hang out with her again and not worry about finances.
That’s when I got the text.
Fuck.
I haven’t had that crushing feeling in a long ass time. Just devastated. Incredulous at what was happening. I cried. It still hurts. Writing this, still fucking hurts.
I’ve been here before.
Moving on is easy. I’ve done it many times before.
There are plenty of cheap beers in the city to numb my pain. To give 0 fucks about the world is pretty easy. To give 0 fucks about my life as well.
And that’s how I felt yesterday.
The world blurred around me. All I did was pay attention to my phone while we texted back on forth in what all this means. In that, it’s over. In that, we should just be friends.
It felt like a 90s music nostalgic depression video. The people around me moved in fast motion and I sat down motionless at the bar. Staring at the TV. Pretending to be happy. Trying to not break down in tears in public. That shit just makes it worse. Drank four beers. Ate a whole shitty Dominos pizza. Dominos has been getting better in the US, but not in Mexico. That shit still tasted like cardboard and ketchup. I only paid 100 pesos for that though. Less than $5. Sustenance. No real appetite.
The owner of the bar was there.
He told me from all the things people have been posting about the migrants, he only liked my text. Didn’t really know how to react to that. He is a super nice guy.
I still have no idea why people like my writing.
She just texted me…
Sigh.
She knows I’m writing about her. I’m supposed to write about the migrants. And my summary of the NFL.
Oh yeah.
I didn’t do good this week in NFL.
Just an extra kick when down. But to be honest, even losing the stupid game makes me happy. It’s a little thing I share with my friends. If it wasn’t for that stupid fantasy, I would barely hear from these fuckers.
It feels better to win. It always feels better to win. I’m in 5th place and there are only two games left. Let’s hope I make it to the playoffs.
NFL De Fantasía: Semana 11
Como me va en el amor y en la vida, así me va en la enefele. Sin morra. Sin depa. Sin la chamba que me habían dado. Y ahora perdiendo por una putisa. Pero esto no se trata de mi, pero de la liga Baquetons Forever.
Tijuana Hookers 103.98 vs 171.42 The Lion King.
Calladito y ganando the Lion King sube a segundo lugar después de destrozar a unos putitos que esta ves se dejaron hacer de todo. De Fitzmagic a Fitztragic, un Ertz que no puso el hurts, y casi todos los jugadores haciendo menos puntos de lo que se predecía, inclusive mi banca. Ahhh pero mi defensa. Mi defensa esta bien bonita. No importa. Lion King con la ofensiva de los Rams y con un Tyreek Hill imparable domino el juego que se definió en lunes. De paso, su defensa también hizo un putero de puntos. Y hasta en su banca tenía al RB Lindsay con 26 puntos y que todavía vive en la casa de sus papás en Denver.
Ni que decir. Puteado en la vida. Puteado en la fantasía.
Lion King se enfrenta a una Jaiba no tan Brava. Las Hookers van contra Ocelopilli de Mario. Encuentro difícil que tendré que ganar para asegurar los playoffs (y sin Cazador).
La Jaibita no tiene que ser tan Brava para chingarse a un Gallito que simplemente no da.
Jaiba Brava 121.32 vs 113.88 Queretaro Roosters.
Este partido empezó el Jueves con un Aaron Rodgers que aunqué perdió por las malas decisiones de Mike McCarthy, le dio los puntos y esperanzas a Kirby, pero gran parte de su equipo no hace lo que debería. La braves de la Jaiba estuvo de parte de los Saints y WR de TB Mike Evans, pero su defensa y su WR de Houston se quedaron en 0s. Para la tarde del Domingo el partido se encontraba 113.8 vs 113.3 a favor de Kirby y la Jaibita solo tenía un RB de Chicago por jugar. No se tardo mucho RB Howard en hacer el punto que necesitaba y dejar a los Roosters casi al final de la tabla y con esperanzas muy bajas de llegar a los playoffs.
Ambos, la Jaibita y los Roosters tienen partidos super dificiles la siguiente semana contra los lideres del torneo, Lion King (vs Jaiba) y Sanchez Style (vs Roosters).
Hablando de super lideres, el partido por primer lugar se lo llevo el que ganó la odisea de matematica en la secundaria (o fue la prepa?) vs el organizador master de la liga.
Sanchez Style 135.08 vs 121.52 Miami Dolphlundgreens
Un duelo de campeones muy parejo, pero dos jugadores de el pelón simplemente no sumaron. La defensa de los Ositos no dejo que los Vikings hicieran nada, lo que dejo a Dalvin el Cocinero Cook con solo 2 puntos. Fue un poco rescatado por WR Golladay que hizo 11 puntos mas de lo esperado, pero a su ves QB Watson de Houston se quedo 9 puntos cortos. Del otro lado, por primera ves en toda la liga, Gurley II nada más hace 12 puntos y le fallá a Sánchez. Pero la contribución de Gurley no hacía falta mientras que todos sus jugadores hacen cerca de lo predecicho, o mas. Fuerza ofensiva incomparable, en primer lugar empezó, en primer lugar se quedará, mientras que el pelón bajo a tercer lugar, los playoffs los tiene asegurados. Ya se pueden relajar.
Alguién que también ya se puede relajar es Bryan. “Bro, I’m gonna win it all,” así sonaba cuando empezó la temporada. “I don’t give a shit anymore man, I’m the worse one in the league,” así suena ahora. Y tuvo su mejor partido contra los Thunders… pero a su ves, Saúl también tuvo su mejor partido.
Thunders 161.08 vs 140.12 Noobz.
Los Thunders andan ruidosos y con suerte de su lado, Andy Luck hace mas puntos de lo que se pensaba, igual que Devonte Adams que llega a su primer temporada con mas de 1,000 yardas y es el favorito de Rodgers, Hilton cachando absolutamente todo lo que se le envió y Ezekiel Elliot que se prende con nuevo director ofensivo. El resto de su equipo un poco malo (menos Mixon), pero hasta su banca se ve bonita con buen promedio de puntos. Están en séptimo lugar, pero si siguen jugando como van, tiene grandes esperanzas de robarse los playoffs. Los Noobz, mientras tanto, hasta el mero fondo. Su mejor partido por mucho, por primera ves haciendo mas de lo que se predecía y llegan a más puntos de lo que podía esperar, pero no lo suficiente para poder ganar.
Otro que no tuvo lo suficiente para ganar y parece que se queda fuera, Simbos vs el que no sabe que esta pasando pero va ganando.
Ocelopilli 141.24 vs 117.74 The Mongooses
Pinche Wentz. Lo repito. Pinche Wentz. El unico equipo de está última semana que hizo menos de 10 puntos, los Eagles. Simbos no jugo con el corazón y banqueó a su Big papi Ben, que empezó horrible, pero acabo con 24 puntos (a los miserables 4 puntos de Wentz). Y en su banca, WR Reynolds de los Rams con 20 puntos, mientras que Wentz apenás y le dio pases a Jeffery. Todos los demás le rindieron (aunqué RB Conner la mitad de lo prometido). Pudo haber ganado… Pero pinche Wentz.
Y Mario? Le dieron el gane tres jugadores: Steffon Diggs con 32, jovensito y también amado por Rodgers Aaron Jones, y la nueva bestia de la NFL Saquon Barkley con 35. Sus otros jugadores apenas y le rindieron, con un devastador TE Ebron con 0 puntos. Aún así, con ese powerhouse de RBs jovenes y novatos, Ocelopilli, el novato verdadero, es una fuerza a contender. Y así de la nada, puede que se lo lleve todo.
Quedán dos Domingos antes de que sean los playoffs. Suerte a todos.
And… while I was writing the fantasy review and I come close to the end of the blog… she’s texting me.
I might see her for Thanksgiving. I have conflicting feelings about it. I have conflicting feelings about this whole end of the year.
I wasn’t even supposed to be blogging this much. I never even talked about fucking Seattle!
I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing anymore.
As if the end of the year means anything. As if 2019 means that someone will hit the reset button and I will have a chance to make everything better.
Matingas 
One response to “Sad End of the Year: Losing in Fantasy and Everything Else – Migrant and the Drama Llama”
:(
I hope everything works out for you. I hope you can be happy soon, you’re a cool and interesting dude and you deserve to be happy!