I woke up at 5:30 am.
Well… first I woke up at 2:30 am, but fuck that, went back to bed.
I tried the same thing at 5:30 am, but couldn’t. Just tossed and turned thinking about the future and what to write. Yep. I pitched a long ass article and when it comes to actually writing I puss out. The ideas are there. I know what I want. I just don’t find the courage to actually do it.
Pay request Tuesday.
Photo gig emails.
Yep. No drinking anymore I told myself. But as soon as I woke up I thought… Tap Tuesday. And I’m going to take advantage of it.
Did some writing for that long ass piece.
300 words so far. Which is less than 10% of what I want. And I’ve actually just been writing snippets. Like “this goes here, mention this here.”
So I’m laying down the roadmap. And I’m still convinced it’s good. I just got to convince that I’m good enough to write it.
And I couldn’t be happier to know that this is over. It’s been a long run and all things must come to an end. I will keep on writing, it will just be different things and in a word document to be released all at once.
No more daily word vomiting. 3,000.29 MB (98%) Space Used.
A lot of shit happened this year. I wrote so much it’s tough to go back and pick the best things. There is just way too much word vomit to go through.
The most viewed were probably the ones I click baited.
The daily word vomit started back in November (so it’s been over a year), but the 1000+ words challenge started in 2017. Any other writers out there that think about writing 1,000+ words daily… just do it. Even if you feel fucking stupid because of it. Do it for yourself. Do it with no expectations. Just fucking do it. You’ll get better at it. It will get easier. Next thing you’ll know, you’ll be addicted to doing it daily. You’ll crave it. You’ll think about it during the day. And then you’ll vomit. Vomit it all.
Back in November… my blog was somewhat political. I mean, I still talked a lot about myself… but it was heavily political.
Who can blame me? It was during the Trump election. The insanity of it all. Of course, I was going to spout my own opinions in my own fucking blog.
It’s been more than a year now. I still can’t believe it. I still watch comedy political shows every morning to know the latest. And I’m still in shock.
Oh man. My old posts are hilarious. According to my site stats, 1,476 people visited my blog that month.
December 2016 of word vomiting. I got my big Spanglish story published. Oh boy! Was I proud of that one. And it was very well received. I’m still proud of it. Can’t believe it was a year ago already.
I’m brewing something similar in my mind. Let’s hope it’s as good and that it gets accepted.
December. Party on my rooftop. Where I want to live next year. Pictures of fireworks. Playing Risk with friends. Andy started coming to Tijuana a lot.
I was still undecided about what 2017 was going to be. Just like I am undecided about what 2018 was going to be.
Back in December, I click baited saying that I met the love of my life at the bar. I was kidding. It was fictional garbage.
The beginning of 2017. January. The routine of the word vomit started. It was still very different from what it is now.
I thought about driving for Uber/Lyft. I was doing jobs here and there. I wrote my last food article because I couldn’t get along with the food editor. It was the Korean taco place. It is closed now. I miss them. They were good. That article came out weird.
It wasn’t me.
January. My baby niece, Nila, was born. So that means she’s almost one year old now…
Crazy cute baby. I love her a lot.
January. I had a couple of Tijuana Adventures.
One with Lightworks who came to play a show from Austin. I wrote the Sobador story back then. My back was destroyed.
The other adventure was with the crazy South Africans that nicknamed me Mad Dog Mateo. Probably the craziest TJ adventure I had so far (and I never want to take it that far… though I made great money).
EMAIL. Ok. I confirmed one appointment for Thursday. Sorry. That’s now.
January. The first true month of word vomiting. 1,526 views.
I adapted the silly break lines for my text. I like them.
February switched my life around.
Heavily. February 5th. I thought it was the 7th. Blog shows that I skipped the 5th because I was with her. When I met her.
I was at the right moment to have a girlfriend. And I met the most amazing girl I have ever met. Still to this day. It’s weird to think that she’s not with me anymore. My closet is still somewhat her closet.
And I think about her a lot. I hope our paths cross again. I have some hopes of being together though I don’t really see it. Our paths deviated.
We were both in the right mentality back then.
We fell. And fell hard.
Before meeting her, I was ready to go to Mérida with a call girl. No. She wasn’t my call girl. I just knew her from a previous adventure and she had an extra ticket to Mérida. I was going with her, but not with her. I was going to stay at a friend’s apartment. I was going to explore the city by myself just because the call girl offered me the free ticket. I only paid $20 for a round trip. And I wasn’t going to spend any money on lodging.
Mérida never was.
Because I met her.
My post 200.
Karaoke. She eats salsa. Love at first sight. Well… for me it was two hours into the date. For her it was almost at the first bar.
I still had plans to go to Mérida.
But she told me she was going to back to Monterrey if I left…
I canceled Mérida for her. I didn’t want her to leave. I didn’t want it to be over…
And we started living together.
The word vomit changed.
It became not my word vomit, but our word vomit (in a way).
I opened up to feelings. I opened up to a relationship. And who knew… who the fuck knew that I was going to be dating someone for so long and also word vomiting at the same time.
Fuck do I miss her.
Maybe things would be easier if I wasn’t word vomiting all the time.
Or maybe just different.
Who the fuck knows.
But I still miss the fuck out of her.
Many will say “go to her” if you love her so. And trust me. A big part of me wants too.
But another part is content with the life of a single dude. I always thought I was going to be single.
I was in love. Love turned to comfort. Comfort turned to routine. Routine turned to boredom. And I saw us growing apart before she even left to Monterrey.
We were great together.
We were an entity.
And that’s crazy.
In a way… I wasn’t myself.
I was who I was for her. A changed honest man.
My life felt like it had been decided.
And when she left…
It was as if a spell had been lifted. I felt liberated. I could do whatever the fuck I wanted no repercussions or responsibilities…
I would do it all again no problem.
I fell hard. The most in love I have ever felt in my life (after my innocent teenage love from Minnesota).
This was grown-up love.
Maybe when I see her again, she’ll use the same spell and I’ll be dumbfounded for her again.
I wished that love I felt, never got depleted. That’s how it feels. Like I depleted my feelings.
Maybe I need this time solo to adjust my head and heart. I really don’t see anyone in the future that could be better than her. But who knows. Maybe I’ll fall hard again for another stranger.
I don’t worry about it. I’ll gladly fall in love… a year or two from now.
And maybe I’ll fall in love with her again. Give it another shot at nothing.
People get together, grow apart, and get back together again, right? It’s normal. Then they grow apart again and so…
Who the fuck knows.
I went from February to now.
February = 2,441 views.
That’s the year wrap-up for now.
93, 372 views for all the years I’ve been blogging. If I had a penny for each person visiting the blog, I would have made nearly $1,000 USD!
And if I had a dollar for each person visiting… I WOULD BE FUCKING RICH!
I need a picture.
Memory is almost full so I’ll just choose an old picture… Let’s see…
Korean tacos are closed now. She’s in Monterrey. I’m here.
Life is weird.
And we’re supposed to talk again around Christmas time. She says she has a surprise for me.