As a freelancer, I have been very used to uncertainty. Of waking up and not being sure what I was doing with my day. Of waiting until something comes up, either inspiration, work, or something else.
I spent all of Wednesday in a dreamlike state of mind. Still not believing Trump is president. Before the elections I read hundreds of articles. Obviously I dislike Hilary as well… but with her, the path was the same type of uncertain path.
Now Trump is president and the uncertainty is different. As a border hopper, this is really strange. Is Tijuana going to go in decline like after 9/11. If the border shuts down, it can mean economic collapse. I frequently google how the peso is doing against the dollar. It’s over 20 pesos and rising. Sometimes it drops, but more than anything is 2 steps backs, one step forward.
Now I feel like I have to choose between countries. Stay in Mexico and get fucked by the economic collapse. Move back to the United States and live my life as the white boy that I am.
Made that my profile pic again. Just in case people doubt my whiteness, though I am playing for the Navy’s Heritage Benefit. Can’t believe that was just four years ago. It is also a reminder that I should start playing guitar again. God I love that guitar.
Going back to Trump. Wtf? What about all the men and women who are a minority serving in the military. Fuck. Many of them probably feel awkward as fuck. At the same time, most probably love it. I was in the naval base. It would be easy to imagine a lot of them supporting Trump. Though a lot of others also know the dangers of it. The military is filled with either really dumb or really smart people.
I see the border from my balcony. Those bright lights. Brighter than any other light in the city of Tijuana. Billions of tax dollars wasted in nothing. Trump wants billions more. It’s funny that people don’t realize that the wall is impossible. No matter how many times you explain it to them, they still want a wall. The wall is not going to stop fucking anyone.
The American government already spent over 760 million dollars in remaking the San Ysidro port. The money has already been funded. They already paid the GSA (a government contractor) to do it. Now they want to spend more in un-doing this and … ahhh fuck I don’t get it.
It’s very interesting and weird times. Uncertain times. That uncertainty that always looms over me as a freelancer. Now everyone feels it. No one knows what your tomorrow is going to be like. But let’s be honest, have we ever known? Humans love to feel the comfort of knowing the future. And though it is easy to fall in a routine, the future is always uncertain.
Everyone has their own opinion of this issue. It’s funny most of my feed is people falling appalled and disgusted by the current events. Yet when I see someone posting something in favor of Trump I see who they are, realized I haven’t talked to them in a few years, and I don’t even have a desire to talk to them ever again, and simply delete. That’s the other weird part about this future. We get attached to hundreds of people that we will never see again or care about, but just simply because they added you on Facebook you get to read their thoughts? Just… fucking delete them. It’s really easy!
In the past you simply didn’t stay in touch with people. It was easier! It was just like HEY I AM MOVING OUT OF TOWN! LATER SUCKERS! BAM! You never knew about them ever again, unless you went back and bumped into them. And even then, it’s very short lived. I have hundreds of people from my college in Minnesota. I don’t give a fuck about the grand majority of them. It’s so easy to click delete. People make such a big deal about being deleted.
If you excuse me. I gotta go back to watching Trump and election videos. And later going to bars to drown the sorrows.