Surprise! I’m not posting on a Monday.
Surprise!: I’m updating this post and I also never do that. I’m a drama queen. Things turned out to be way better than I originally assumed. Still a lot of stress and drama, but I’m not that fucked or I’m not that horrible as I thought! GO ME! (Now go ahead and read the sad stuff of how I felt when I woke up).
I actually have been thinking about this for a while. To post whenever I feel like instead of waiting to give a Monday summary of my week (and still post every Monday). This is not a happy middle update though. This is a “welp, I’m fucked” update. I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I feel like I lost all the magic.
I came into 2016 sure about one thing. I was going to work harder, make more money and further grow my career. None of this has become true. It actually feels like the complete opposite. I don’t want to go back to retail. Shit is annoying and there is no real money on it. I don’t want a job where I feel like my potential is being wasted. I feel like I am the best at journalism or at least the photo side of it.
I have a lot of work I had planned out but I don’t feel like doing it anymore since all of my latest work has gone to the garbage. The only thing that I got published I had to insist to get the story through. This is not working for me anymore. I don’t like being broke. I don’t like that my work goes unpaid for when I am giving it my best and there is nothing else around. I’m giving up. I’m even considering something I said I would never do again, go back to LA and be a paparazzi. Dealing with that stress was better than dealing with the stuff I am going through right now and also… the MONEY was way better. Which is my main motivation right now. Money. Which I have none. I don’t see myself making much more in the way things are going.
I’m too broken right now to continue this way. I thought I had no other choice but to keep trying, but it’s hard to pick up the pieces when someone steps on them creating even more pieces to pick up (this someone might be myself). These have been the worst days of my life in the past 4 or so years.
Do not pity me. This is what I chose and what I gambled and pity is the last thing I want. I was confident I was on the right track, alas, I was very wrong.
“Every man is responsible for his own destiny.” – Liu Kang, Mortal Kombat the movie.
Yes, I can still find humor in the shittiest of situations for me. And with that in mind, this sad post deserves a not so much celebrity. Since I lost my Magic, and I never saw Magic Johnson, you get Dikembe Mutombo.
Dikembe has been one of my favorite NBA players since I was a wee lad. Blocking is my favorite thing in basketball (and volleyball) and he is commonly regarded greatest shot blockers of all time (second best only to Hakeem Olajuwon). So I obviously recognized him once while waiting for a different celebrity. Dikembe was coming out of the elevator and he had to duck down to exit. He was flying Southwest. I complain about not fitting in airplanes, can you even imagine being Dikembe!?
I took a few snaps, he didn’t noticed me taking pictures. I remember TMZ bought my picture. These pictures are November 22nd, 2008.
This last picture was the one that TMZ bought. They made a stupid joke about that lady’s face being close to Dikembe’s ass.
I hope this is the last time you guys read me talking in such a negative way. Things are falling apart for me faster than they are for Frank Underwood. But I couldn’t even built the first floor of my House of Cards and it’s already collapsing. So maybe I should just demolish and start anew. Until next post! Whoever you are!
One response to “I’m Giving Up For Now – Broken Spirit – This is Not Magic (It’s Dikembe)”
Hang in there, my friend! You are not alone. Me and so many others have taken gambles on career paths that should have paid off, but didn’t. That’s the definition of a bad economy, and it’s bad for a lot of us right now. I told you, you are multi-talented. You will pick up the pieces and move on to something else. We’re all with you.