Still Sick, Still Sober and Now Depressed – Selena Gomez

I was sick all week.

It was fucking horrible.

I’m still sick right now, but nothing compared to how I felt.

Monday was shit.
Tuesday was shit and I couldn’t sleep that I wrote this:

I can’t sleep. I feel like I am dying. I have really sharp stomach pains and I am coughing like a dog. I feel the need to puke, but my stomach is empty.

I know I am not dying. But it got me thinking.

I’ll be thirty this year and I plan on living forever, but I’ll leave that up to science for now (Babycakes reference). But maybe it’s time to cut off my vices. Maybe not fully, but a good 50-77.5% reduction on consumption.

I played Alejandra for the first time this year (my beautiful guitar, no relation to any other Alejandras). I sang. I coughed. I played the Mario Bros theme. Apparently the only song I can play from start to finish.

I felt like puking. But nothing came out. Emptiness.

I went through my repertoire. I barely scratched the surface of what used to be my skill. I forgot most songs. So halfway through all, I stopped. Cough, cough, cough. Run to the bathroom, dry heave, sharp stomach pains and back to Alejandra.

I am good photographer. Shit compared to half a decade ago.

I am a good musician. Shit compared to a decade ago.

I am a good writer. I will be shit in the future.

I waste it all.

Put it all on 22 black.

7 red.

Just my luck.

Traffic noise, shitty taxi drives by blasting it’s shitty fucking shit music, street dog barks, airplane goes by loudly as if I was living next to the airport and the fucking alarm from the building next door goes off loudly like it does twice or more at night.

Just my luck.

My luck. I have great luck. I am 6’4. I can reach the ceiling and change that lightbulb for you. Yes, the air is fresher up here. I heard all the jokes.

My eyes are green, nah, they are grey. Well, it can vary. My eyelashes are girly as fuck though. I am a lanky motherfucker who can’t grow a proper beard. At least I have thick hair.

Just my luck.

I am also white, but at the same time Mexican, yet I love video-games and Japanese shit. Bicultural/multicultural.

Just my luck.

Also, sports. I should do more of them. After all, I am decent at soccer, tennis, volleyball and basketball (skateboarding too, shitty surfer though). Never find the motivation.

Just my luck.

This is a strange world. This is a strange time. Here I am typing my thoughts on a futuristic device with a shattered screen. Life is insane and beautiful, yet feels so empty and dark.

I wish I found comfort in music like I used too. Alas, I only feel desperation and contempt.

Just my luck.

I escaped LA because it was fake. Tijuana is not fake, but it isn’t real either. So many shit musicians making shit music thinking they are the shit. And another one. And another one. And then myself.

It would be nice to know people that actually read music and has their own Real/Fake book. Not much talking needed, just open the book and improv on some jazz. There aren’t many. Those around have an elevated super ego, worse than my own.

Just my luck.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I don’t really believe in luck. Most of you simply just suck. Offended? You proved my point. Because this is not about you. I have no one specific in my mind. Mind yourself. Mind your manners. Peace of mind. A piece of my mind. Read minds. Rewind.

Maybe I am dying. We all are. Wait till the next day, you are still here. Rinse. Repeat. Repeat. Read Pete. Until one day, you cease to exist.

That’s just my luck….

Tl;dr I hate everyone but mostly myself (mom and Bisho are exempt).

Shitposting online since the days of livejournal.

Wednesday I went to a witch doctor first, then to a real doctor second. Witch doctor waved a magic wand in front of me while selecting medicines, then gave me some tinctures I was supposed to keep taking, but they made me gag. Real doctor gave me an ass shot so I could feel better and gave me an Rx for antibiotics (which I’m supposed to be allergic too).

Thursday I took the antibiotics. It knocked me down hard. Also I got some hives on my neck, probably allergic reaction to the antibiotics. I didn’t do anything all day but moan and groan.

Friday I finally felt better. And good, because I had a show. A Donkichow.
The show went great, though there wasn’t many people at the venue.

Saturday I did some work. Interviewed who I needed to interview and took some pictures (could’ve been better). I was feeling better, but the pain from my stomach moved to my mouth. Now I feel like I have a mouth infection. It could be wisdom teeth, might be something else, I’m seeing my dentist tomorrow.

Sunday I tried to work. I also had a show with Donkichow again. It’s hard to get people to a show on Sunday, but there were at least 15 people in the crowd. I am not sure if my band is going to keep playing after this. My drummer doesn’t give a fuck about the music and the bass player is way too busy with many other projects to care about mine.

Now Monday again. My mouth hurting takes the joy out of my favorite activity, eating. I have accomplished nothing. I feel shitty. My mouth hurts. I feel old and stupid. I’m getting depressed and I’m not sure what to do again with my life. I need to keep on writing, but I don’t feel like it. This is just me rambling about nothing. I can do that forever and ever.

I need to go to the United States for rent money. My debit card stopped working in Mexican banks because it’s an old card. I have a lot of things to do to get my shit back on track. They are all tedious annoying things that I do not want to do. I also need to do a lot of work, but I don’t feel like it or don’t even know what to do.

Instead.
Here are a lot of pictures of Selena Gomez.

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Selena Gomez

She was no one when I started taking pictures of her. And because she was no one, she was a really nice girl. Like really nice. I genuinely was excited to see her since I knew it would be a nice time. But then she got famous and she became a major bitch.

First. Here are a bunch of screen caps with my pictures:


Cool, right?
Shit. My life was so much different back then. I’m kinda missing it now. I knew what everyday held. Shit tons of celebrities. Shit tons of pictures. Get back home to my LA life. Enjoy my apartment.

This is me with Selena Gomez. Not sure when the picture is from, but she was cool.

See… I’m making her laugh. I’m also 6’4. She’s 5’4.

My folders of Selena Gomez are a mess and there is a lot of them. So not sure when the pictures are from but I think 2008 or 2009. Here are plenty more.

I collected a bunch of pictures while going through my folders. At the time of uploading, I realized I missed like 10 other folders. So I still have TONS AND TONS of Selena Gomez pictures that I am too lazy to edit and upload. So let’s just give you more random Selena Gomez. AND LOOK! Pictures that aren’t at LAX!!! Those are rare… since most of the time I worked at the airport. But every once in a while I would work on the street, and Selena Gomez was an easy follow from her house in Studio City. Also, her cars had Texas plates. Those were really easy to spot.

I’m in the background of this one, so that means my brother took the picture.

These are from June of 09. I don’t remember that day… but here are my pics.

This one is from October 09 from what I have in my folder. She was already getting famous so she started to not be cool.

 

Hah! My brother is in the background of this one. This was on June 09 I believe…

January 30, 2011. Selena Gomez hiding her pretty face.

July 22nd of 2009 I think. Shitty pics in that folder….

And March 13 of 2011. There are more pics of Selena Gomez but I think these are enough.

It’s weird nowadays when I see Selena Gomez on Tv. When I was shooting her, she was just the little girl from Wizards of Waverly Place. Now she’s like this sex icon that dances and gets half naked. Makes no sense. But I guess that’s cool. I can’t help but see her as just a little girl who used to be cool.

Now I got more shit to do. Which means I’ll just be on Reddit all day. I discovered that the day after Valentine’s is my cake day. So now I will remember that forever. I should take advantage, but I have nothing to post. I have nothing. I am so empty right now.