This last week went by fast. And I don’t even remember what I did.
I didn’t have a tour. I wasn’t that busy… but it went fast.
I wrote this blog. I wrote my newsletter over at TijuanaAdventure.com, posted a couple of videos, went bowling, hung out with my friend’s dad, who is also a friend because he was friends with my mom, hung out with my girlfriend, and then the weekend came!
And I got sick as fuck. One of the worst diarrheas I’ve had in my adult life. I’m not sure what did it. I blame bowling. It’s a place infested with germs. And I overdid it.
Oh.
And it was our second anniversary. And I was having the worst diarrhea ever. How romantic.
I got the date wrong by a day. I thought it was August 31st. I count full moons, not years. We have been together for 24 full moons and are soon to be on the 25th. We started dating on a full moon, but we met a week before.
She likes to count August 30th. Two years. Whoa.
New York soon. And another year or more to come.
Monday was this blog. And I went around the city with my camera and did a silly video updating the situation in Tijuana’s main avenue. The algorithm gods favored me, and it has over 50k views. I also did the video of the tour I did on Saturday.
Tuesday, I went out of my comfort zone for a beer gig interview. I still have to send a formal invoice to get the gig. I was supposed to do that on Friday, but massive diarrhea. I have to do it after I’m done with this blog.
Wednesday was bowling! I played horribly; 117 was my best score. Girlfriend did okay for not being a bowler, but she had fun, and that’s what I care about.
And Plaza Landmark hangout time with the family.
The full review of bowling and Plaza Landmark will go in my Tijuana Adventure newsletter. Fucking malls. This one is passable. It has a nice bowling alley (could be better), and it also has a batting cage. I did that after bowling. And that’s probably why my immune system got weakened and tacos or a pizza or that sandwich, or perhaps my home-cooked breakfast fucked it up. Who knows.
Thursday was fine. It was hot as balls. I went to a live art event featuring Reddy, the artist who tattooed my leg a couple of years ago. He has an art gallery installed at Insurgente. Art galleries at breweries are a great idea. More of that will also go on the TJ Newsletter. Then hung out with said friend, drank a couple of beers, and went home to play DotA.
And that’s when it hit me. It hit me hard. Diarrhea.
I spent all Friday sleeping or lying on the couch, drinking water. Every 10 ounces of water or so, immediately back to the toilet. My girlfriend made me chicken soup with that one special ingredient (love, duh!). It was the only thing I ate, and it was great! I had constant diarrhea throughout the day until Saturday morning. Then it was less constant, but also a lot…
Our second anniversary. She got us a gift certificate for a couple’s massage. I got her… nothing. I planned to buy her a jacket that she saw at a thrift shop, but she thought it was too expensive. I told her this. She says I’m glad I didn’t buy it for her. She liked it if it was half the price, but she wouldn’t want me to buy it if it was that expensive. Not worth it. I could buy her better things for that price. So in a way, I’m glad I didn’t.
The plan was to buy it on Friday… but that’s when diarrhea hit. I had already talked to the store and everything.
And hey… I got her something for our 24th full moon! I still feel like I could have done more.
Sunday! Yesterday was great!
We went to el otro lado to do some shopping. She loves shopping, and of course, she does. And I like Guitar Center. I can sit there playing all the instruments and amps. I need a new bass amp, and I think I have decided on which one I want.
It inspired me to play music again. And I need to do it. I say it all the time, then nothing.
I also got new sporty shorts and underwear. Adidas was having a sale, and the whole store was 50% off. The mall was packed.
I hate people. But she likes going to all the stores. She went through every item, but barely got anything. Shoes that she pre-ordered, a purse, and a few more thingys.
I always bitch about going to el otro lado. But it ain’t that bad. She likes it. We should do it more often.
Then we watched two movies.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall, she had never watched it; it was my third or fourth time watching it. The first time I watched it was when I was in Hawaii in April of 2009. When I followed Lindsay Lohan to Maui. I rented the movie from a Redbox and watched it on my final day there. She liked it. I like that movie, though it could use some editing; a lot of scenes are a bit extra. Jason Segel is great on it.
That’s me in Hawaii in 2019 when I followed Lindsay Lohan… This blog needs a picture, and I’m going to recycle old ones!
The second movie…
Oh fuck.
It was like an extended Sarah McLachlan commercial. Two hours of just cheap sadness. It starts with the death of a senior dog. Then it jumps to the beginning of such dog’s life, starting when he was a puppy. And it has a narrator that whole time. The narrator… is the dog (voiced by Kevin Costner). They probably gave him the script and told him you have to read it like a senior dying dog. Because the whole time, he was just talking monotone drone, describing the scenes that we were watching.
“I was adopted when I was a puppy,” NO SHIT NARRATOR, that’s what the screen is showing. And for no fucking reason, the story relates to racing cars, and how being a racer makes you a better person because you have to concentrate and work hard, or some shit.
The main actor is shitface Milo Ventimiglia, or how my DotA friends call him now… Milo Fentinilo. His sideways face makes it look like he is giving you a douchey smirk the whole time. It’s such a punchable face. But my girlfriend thinks he is sexy (and she’s not the only one). And I’ll give it that… he wasn’t horrible in the film. It was okay acting, given the shit script and shit premise of the movie.
The premise of the movie? A senior dog describes his life with a hot racer dude with obvious everything. He meets a generic hot wife at a supermarket, who is the lovely Amanda Seyfried. Her character has no depth. Her whole purpose is to be the wife who is going to give birth and die. Their daughter has no purpose except to be the hook for the movie.
And his in-laws hate him. They are the classic evil rich people who are out of touch with humanity, so they are cold and only interested in money. “He didn’t shave for his wedding; he has no decency,” says the father of the bride (he was shaved during the wedding). “He is going to die racing cars,” fuck you, father-in-law. Any in-law, even if they are rich, would love a hot fucking racer dude. Being a top racer means a lot of money. It obviously carries some risk, but it also has a lot of prestige.
Fucking dumb premise.
But I guess we are viewing the whole thing through the eyes of the dog. So I guess that’s why everything is so dumbed down.
And after almost an hour and a half… the interesting part. After Amanda Seyfried dies from cancer (we knew it was coming, why did it take almost 45 minutes?!), the movie gets interesting because the rich asshole in-laws sue the racer for the daughter.
Oh. And this could have been great. This could have been those 45 minutes. But no. We get a shitty version of what the dog thought happened. And of course, it resolves with everyone being happy.
Bro. That fucker sued you and tried to take your daughter away, and now you welcome him into your home like nothing?
What a fucked up and dumb movie.
If you watch it and enjoy it, I’m happy for you. You probably also like Sarah McLachlan commercials with b-roll of sad shit happening while dramatic music plays in the background, which brings out the cheapest way for tears.
It was partly my fault. She wanted to watch P.S. I Love You. I suggested she pick something else. Because it has Amanda Seyfried, I said that it looked acceptable.
Oh god. I would rather watch P.S. I Love You (or we will see my future review).
Oh. The movie is called “The Art of Racing in the Rain.” Because the main character’s best trait is that he is good at driving in the rain. How creative. It’s based on a book. I have no idea if the book is any good, but based on what I watched… I’m going to skip the book as well.
When I was a young teen, I wanted to be a movie critic. The inspiration came from the cartoon “The Critic.”
How was that?!
I’m the critic of fucking everything. Everyone is. Everyone wants to be a critic. That’s why I stopped. But that’s also why I have this blog. So I can write whatever the fuck I want.
I haven’t been to the movies in forever. My girlfriend likes going. I’ve been almost there so many times. Then it doesn’t happen. We almost watched Freaky Friday after bowling. But we hung out with the family instead. Now that some sort of shit passion for reviewing movies has awakened in me… I don’t think I’ll mind.
I just hope I don’t annoy my girlfriend so much with every single complaint. It was just… so horrible.
We also watched the series Four Seasons on Netflix.
That was fucking great.
I can see why it was Emmy-nominated. I don’t really like Tina Fey or Will Forte (they annoy me). But the series was FANASTIC! So well written. The characters were interesting. The stories were emotional. It was so much more complete than the shit movie we watched yesterday that I can’t even begin to do a proper review.
It’s slow at times, but it works well with the pacing. It’s a beautifully done comedy-drama. Very heartfelt, very true. Not sappy, shitty non-sense.
I also began watching Tom Segura’s series “Bad Thoughts.” I’m not sure why this one is Emmy-nominated. I love Tom Segura’s stand-up. This show was his stand-up sketches brought to life… in a shock value manner. It’s not very funny, it’s mostly just gross and dumb. It made me chuckle several times, but I would rather just watch his stand-up.
And that has been… Matingas the critic.
This week was just me being a critic.
Maybe that’s why it went fast. I watched a bunch of shows and played DotA and barely worked.
September is here.
I have a couple of requests for tours. We are going to New York soon. The year is about to end. We are going to have our third Halloween together!
Last third of the year, here we go!
Next day UPDATE!
I know what caused the diarrhea. I’m a fucking idiot.
I have a plastic tube to pump water out of my water jug. That motherfucker had mold in it. It wasn’t terribly moldy. But it was plenty to assume that it contaminated the water.
I poisoned myself with polluted water. The kicker?
Friday morning, when I woke up horribly sick… I did nothing but drink water from the same jug. I continually poisoned myself for the whole day. No wonder it was crippling pain. No wonder I couldn’t do anything.
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Matingas 
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