Ando sad. I’m the most depressed I’ve been in years.
The worst day was Sunday. It stemmed from my girlfriend’s birthday. I usually get sad on my birthdays. But for the past few years, they’ve been alright. This time it was my girlfriend’s birthday that got me sad. She’s 35.
The age is not the sadness. Though it does make me feel old. She looks young and great. I just feel old thinking I date a 35 year old even though I’m almost forty.
What also made me sad is that I expected a lot. A whole day of fun. Even though I didn’t plan much. I had it all in my head. It wasn’t bad. But it wasn’t what I pictured.
And I drank a THC soda that my brother-in-law gave me. I got paranoid, anxious, and sad. The birthday ended up being great. We had a fantastic time at Morris Wine Bar and now I’m interested in wine.
The night before her birthday, we spent it with her family. We drank and played games in the patio. She danced a lot. It was fun.
Saturday after I drank the soda, I jumped in the shower. And that’s when it hit me hard. I was too high for my girlfriend’s birthday. I got sad about that. I got paranoid about that. Even my mother-in-law was like “your eyes are red.” I blamed the sun.
It got better after the high went down. But the damage was done.
Sunday I woke up lethargic. Didn’t want to do shit. Some dude hit me up on Instagram asking for a half tour. Sure, I can do a two-hour tour for $100. That was the agreement. I didn’t want to do it but hey, money is money. I didn’t want to do shit that day.
I mustered the energy to get in the shower and do a tour. I went to meet him. He canceled. He said something about being anxious and not the right moment of his life to go Tijuana.
I have no idea who that dude is or what fucking happened. All I know is that he canceled. And I got stuck with doing nothing. Just like what I wanted… but I was already outside.
Mexico was playing vs the USA for the Gold Cup final. I had no idea that was going on. But I decided to go with a classic Sunday plan: Caguamas at Bar Nelson.
I enjoyed myself there. I got some cheap gin and tonics. But I kept feeling the depression crawling in the back of my mind. Mexico won and it was fun and then I went to drink more at Insurgente. I was burying my head in my hands without understanding why I felt so shitty. The future hitting me. The past hitting me. The present hitting me. The present is fine. I’m doing well… but it was still daunting.
I have a lot of shit to do. And I still do nothing.
Haven’t been to the dentist. Haven’t gotten my vasectomy. Haven’t traveled.
I make more money. And it sits in my bank account and then I waste it. It’s gone in a flash. Takes a lot of time to collect a bit of money. And in just a couple of days it can be gone. Or less.
And I still have so much more to do. More money to make. And more money to waste.
All of that depressed me. I wanted to not be me. The things that always depress me. I don’t want to be in Tijuana. I don’t want to do tours or be an influencer.
But I can’t complain. I rather do this than much else.
I bumped into the singer/leader of the band Hong Kong Fuck You at Nelson. He came back from doing a tour in Japan.
I want to do that. Tour Japan with a hardcore band. He wanted to just be at home in LA with his kid and girl.
Grass is always greener.
A lot of people say I have the dream job. The job I created for myself. It’s pretty great. But it’s still a job and you grow tired of it. And I have no other choice but to keep going with it. With life. I feel trapped. Trapped by this city. Trapped by capitalism. Trapped by life.
It all summarizes to I need to travel more.
I was going to go to America today to send some shirts. I only have to send three shirts. I’ve had to send them since over a month ago. I got lazy. I didn’t do it. I told myself I would go tomorrow. Tomorrow is my mom’s birthday. I want to say I’m going to send the shirts… but I’m probably going to push it for the day after… and the day after…
Instead… I’m cleaning the apartment. And there is so much more to clean. So much more to organize. So much to throw away. So many things to change.
There is not much in July.
I have two tours next week. I have nothing this week. But I have more work to do. Ensenada Adventure page. Tijuana Adventure disclaimers. And a lot of fucking videos.
I got that sadness on Sunday that I wanted to delete all my social media. Stop doing videos. I get stupid hate. And depression and hate don’t get a long.
Depression and DotA don’t get along.
After drinking depressively at Insurgente, I went back home. I played DotA. I did terrible with my friends. Then I played solo. I did pretty well but I still felt like shit.
I uninstalled the game.
Today I realized that I bought a mouse to play that game.
So I should probably re-install and play again. Plus, healthy and friendly conversations with friends is always good. Edu can do multiple fucking pull-ups per workout. I need to follow his workout routine.
Sunday my girlfriend celebrated her birthday in the party that she organized for her friends. I helped her setup. I helped her buy some stuff. She loved it. That makes me happy.
I still feel like I could have done so much more…
I had a crazy tour on Thursday. It was a regular tour until it wasn’t. It was over 6 hours long when we were at Insurgente and they wanted to check the adult Disneyland. I said I wouldn’t. Then they paid me for the tour. And they paid me double.
Here we go.
Tour started at 2 pm. Ended almost at midnight.
It was a wild one again.
And I made double the money I usually make for one tour. And the comment was so nice. Here’s the tour on TikTok:
Here it is in Instagram. Client review:
“Boyyyyyy we had a time. Matingas was the perfect guide and host. We couldn’t have had a better experience. 1000/10, Matingas! It’s time to double your prices because you are a gem. 💎”
Perhaps it’s time to double my prices. I feel like I’m fine where I am. Most people give me a fat tip after. So I know I’m doing things right.
Not that many clients in July. Not sure if I want to push to get more clients. Or diversify my portfolio again. More Ensenada tours. More photoshoots.
And write.
I should write useful information.
A newsletter of food and beer in Tijuana instead of my life.
I met up with a follower yesterday. I was feeling sad and lethargic but I told him I would meet up. He brought me beers from Los Angeles. He said that he found out a lot about Tijuana thanks to my content. So it’s a way to appreciate my work.
The first beer from Smog City was okay. The beer from Frogtown was way better. I still have one more in my fridge that I’m very curious about and very excited.
I met him at Container Coffee. They have a new double smash burger for 195 pesos.
The burger is decent to good. It’s pretty big. But expensive for TJ. They give you a shovel of fries. Too many fucking fries. I rather pay 45 pesos less and get no fries than the ludicrous amount of fries. I tried to finish them. I couldn’t. Too many fucking fries.
80/20 Burger is still the best in Tijuana. Everything is expensive. Fuck me. I feel like I make more money but adjusted to inflation, I’m as broke as always.
Fuckkkk
I woke up to TikTok being mad at me for an old video. According to their policy, I can’t show alcohol. All my videos have alcohol. Why they hated this specific one, I have no idea. But they eliminated the video and gave me a strike. Two more strikes and my account is banned. Almost 20k followers and so many live streams. And they just want to ban me for doing nothing.
Oh TikTok and social media. You wild. 2025 is still so fucking weird.
And I’ve been doomscrolling.
The lack of the daily news shows have me doomscrolling for information of what the fucking president is doing. Oh and it seems bad. It might fuck up my business. It might fuck up the world. Yet we still go on like nothing ever happens. People still party. People still fuck. People still come to Tijuana and give me money to show them around.
I have to find an alternative life.
Ensenada calls me. But at the same time… there is NADA there.
Routine. Workout routine. Work routine. I need more. Because when I don’t I fall into depression.
It’s my mom’s birthday today. My brother called me and asked me where we wanted to go to celebrate it. So instead of crossing the border… we’re remembering her.
I go through my hard drive often. So many memories. I found the folder of my old Droid 2 phone. Photos and videos from 2010-2011. Los Angeles life and visiting Tijuana and when I traveled all over the US.
But I found this picture.
It’s New Years in Tijuana 2011 with my mom:
I’m feeling better about my depression like I know I would. That was my favorite hoody. I mention it in my book.
I miss you mom. Happy birthday mom!
Probably a bottle of wine for you tonight. And a tequila shot perhaps.
The plan was to get a turtle tattoo every year in her honor. I missed this year. I haven’t gotten any tattoos this year despise saying I would get a bunch more.
Add it to the things to do. More money. More tattoos. More waste of money.
But more turtles for mom.
I’ll be alright.
I disappeared a bit from social media… haven’t posted anything. I disappeared from DotA. I disappeared from doing anything but drinking. But I’m feeling better.
I cleaned. And cleaned and I still need to clean some more. And I need to work and work and work some more. July barely started. I still have half a year to go.
So much more to go.
And it will go fast and then I’ll be dead. Might as well enjoy it.
More Tijuana content. After getting depressed that I’m not going to do it anymore… I go through the end of the tunnel and say fuck it. I’ll continue. TijuanaAdventure.com will have more Tijuana content. I need to finish this burger video and fuck it.
Uploading here:
Then more coffee. More workout. More cleaning. And out to celebrate my mom’s birthday. I have a slow week with no tours. Besides cleaning… back to growing on social media. Back to creating content to send to the void. Back to receiving more hate.
And UPDATING my Patreon. I created it. Got some money. Then gave up. Never deleted it and some people have been giving me money for years. And now I’m putting more content on it again. My blog doesn’t have any more space for pictures. Pictures and other media are posted on my Patreon.
Specially old paparazzi pictures. So if you like my photography or just my in general… support me on Patreon!
Travel the world while doing content is the dream. It was the dream before and it still the dream. So I guess I just have to keep growing and receiving hate and trying to ignore it.
I should go back to therapy.
You can buy all my merch, books, prints, and more. You can hire me to be your tour guide in Tijuana or Ensenada. Or you can hire me to be your photographer. Or guitarist. Or a writer. I can do it all. Well… not really. Just a lot.
Blog done.
Buy my books on Amazon. I’m sure you’ll enjoy them if you enjoyed this. If you didn’t enjoy this… then… what are you doing still here?!
Subscribe to my YouTube. The more subscribers, the more money, the more time I have to upload cool shit.
Follow me on Instagram and book me for a photoshoot!
Follow me on TikTok just because it’s the thing we do in the future.
Book a Tijuana tour with Tijuana Adventure! Still doing exclusive tours in 2025. Let’s see how much longer I last.
Read all my articles on the Reader. It is no longer printing! 148 covers and a dozen cover stories in print are now history.
Matingas 
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